Midnight Marathon; CTR

The following is the so-called minutes of a marathon session of CTR. Me and roomates Rowan and Tom set out with goal to beat the game 100% (yes, we know it's 101%) in one single play through. These minutes chronicle this, and also the decaying state of our mental faculties throughout the night. Enjoy!

9.40; Starting from new, using Crash as he’s the only character well balanced enough
10.00 Edd has first go.
10.01; Edd walks off in huff
10.02; Rowan does time trial perfectly
10.10; Rowan finishes first pack of biscuits
10.30 Rowan defeats first boss Ripper Roo, considers that Roo’s Tubes may be an entendre
10.40; Tom calls Coco a “blonde bitch”
10.45; Edd celebrates very easy win. Probably the only of the night.
10.50; Unlocked new world, completely owned first
10.55; Tom offer Papu-Papu victory cake
10.57; Papu-Papu gets no cake.
11.03; Rowan and Edd astounded by Tom’s shortcut genius; both in-game and real life
11.06; Edd thinks that the piranha plants are a Mario rip-off
11.08; Memory card issues are a bitch
11.16; We all buy Crash 3. Go platformer games
11.18; Tom forgets he is doing a CTR collection. Panicked collecting follows
11.19; Tom wins, because he is inhumanely good at this
11.29; Break for pasta
11.54; Game starts again, Edd has started drinking coke from a mug.
11.55; Tom hits a seal
00.01; We discuss how Sonic sucks now.
00.02; Tom comes dangerously close to losing. I mean only like a three second lead.
00.05; Komodo Joe, according to Tom is “a little wankstain”
00.06; Tom wins. Komodo Joe commits ritual suicide. Probably
00.15; Edd is stunned that there was a PS1 game called CyberTiger
00.20; Tom has yet another go at Coco, calling her a slut this time. Some issues there.
00.23; There are 7 games in a series called Every Child Can Suceed. The world is strange.
00.32; Tom achieves platinum, we rejoice with claps and well dones
00.41; No-one can pronounce Kristen Kreuke’s name
00.42; Dead or Alive breast discussions
00.46; Tom lists the average contents of a toilet. He’s maddened, apparently01.02; hulabooga
01.03; Pinstripe is, apparently, a potoroo.
01.08; Pinstripe has an unnecessarily long course
01.11; Pinstripe can go to hell.
01.12; CTR probably had a lot of extra memory space...
01.14; “A Faceful of TNT” sounds like a great album title
01.19; Tom; “It’s ass-kicking time”
01.20; Manure to butter alchemy riles everyone
01.24; Crash Bandicoot... IN SPACE!
01.27; A fall into the void causes a loud WHAT? from Tom
01.34; WHERE’S THE TEA?
01.36; Rowan is mentally deficient in some way. His words
01.40; Third memory card fail of the evening, fixed by blow job
01.43; Edd needs to relieve himself – thus Rowan is in charge of minutes
01.44; Very slow save of our minutes
01.45; Edd walks into door in attempt to prove his existence
01.47; We finally resort to “your mum” insults
01.48; ...shortly followed by gangsta talking, bra
01.50; We suddenly realise what we are doing with our lives.
01.51; Tom establish command as head gamer
01.56; The French for “warp orbs” is “boules de teleportation”. Just in case you were interested.
01.58; Rowan is official off his tits on sleep deprivation
02.00; 88%
02.01; Tom stops for toilet break; imprint in bed is left
02.05; Rowan has lost all mental reasoning. However, can still make self-scathing jokes.
02.10; Tom threatens an endangered species. He is now a man.
02.16; What’s in those nitro crates anyway?
02.20; Tom takes all the harsh comments back when he sees Coco’s new design
02.21; She’s still a slut though.
02.28; Silence
02.30; Tom Trehearn is... THE WALL RIDER.
02.36; Edd has a dressing gown on now.
02.43; Playing pranks on flatmates passes the time.
02.45; Where are the teams?
02.53; Excellent recovery by Tom, from 8th to 1st. He’s still playing by the way.
02.58; Missle is too negative, try rocket instead.
02.59; Tom is taking on all the bosses at once.
03.02; Talk of characters knifing each other illustrates our mental state
03.07; Eye of the Tiger. It’s about damn time.
03.08; Tom can do a handbrake turn in CTR. The world is still strange.
03.10; Memory card fails for the fourth time
03.14; Two platinum relics, and Tom is ready for N. Oxide...
03.15; 97%
03.19; Final boss = surprisingly tough...
03.20; AND THAT’S THE GAME!
03.21; Credits have never tasted so sweet.
03.24; Credits, now with political satire!
03.27; Thanks to Tom’s tireless tire-burning tricks, CTR has been bested. GOODNIGHT!

Track, Bash, Do it Again...

Coming to you live from a creaky office chair next to a window overlooking a poorly tended lawn it's...

The Starting Village (DUN DUN DUN!)

Two games have been taking up my time. I shall now divulge information about them, before my extraction team turns up.

Trackmania Nations Forever, which is like the shorter, slower, less attractive brother of Trackmania United Forever. TNF is free, and generally fun, and as I said before, I've yet to come across a free game that I didn't like. Although...

You see, when I started playing TNF, I really enjoyed it, having to improve my time a desperately shaving off extra points to try and beat the gold ghost. But around the mid-difficulty level, the races suddenly become impossible. Jumps that have to be hit at exactly full speed and at just the right place with incredibley twist run ups mire your enjoyment of the game. Stupid camera shifts and split second timing make the gravity-defying tracks a nightmare. When I was struggling to beat the bronze medal, I just quit and gave up. The point is, the tracks get TOO stupid. Loop-the-loops I can handle. 180 sideways twist can suck a rock.

Crash Bash. It's like Mario Party... But with Crash. So Crash Party. My flatmate has a PS2 and Crash Bash is one of two multiplaer games that I'd play (note; the other is CTR, so there we go). It's amazing how many swears you get from playing this game. Some of the goal defending levels are piss-takingly difficult, and the ones where you play off a handicap are so amazingly nerve-testing. It's also fun to play because of the chunky graphics. I've always found it weird how we never really saw the blocks at the time, we just thought the graphics were awesome. I'm not saying I don't like them mind. Being retroactively critical is unneccesary.

Also, BFH, but I don't need to talk about that again, do I?

Aha, bow before my jetpack-and-armour might!

See y'all at the finish line!