Snow Mercy

Just some business to attend to before we get started. I am now home for a month, it being Christmas and all. I am also quite sick and have a terrible sore throat. Apart from that I'm doing great.

Also, it's snowing. A LOT. I had to push a car today, I almost fell over in a road. Not the best of times.

Right onto the matter at hand; LEFT 4 DEAD 2

After the whole Tesco Entertainment debacle, I'd been itching to give this game a go, and when Robb told be that he'd got it, I was over to his place faster than a Survivor into a safe house. When I got there, he still hadn't opened it, stating he was "worried about zombies leaping out of the box" After beating him over the head with an 360 controller for being an idiot, we started up the game.

I don't have a great history with shooters. My aiming ability has never been fantastic, and I panic under pressure and end up flailing wildly around, hoping somebody chooses to walk into the path of my bullets. Having said that, I performed pretty well in L4D2, mainly because of two things; shotguns and katanas. I charged wildly through hordes of zombies, varying between blowing faces off with a combat shotgun, and slicing limbs with manic cuts of my ninja sword.

L4D2 looks very pretty and plays beautifully. At first, me and Robb had a manic strategy of shooting anything that moved. But after a while we started to work together, with me on close-range combat, and him on automatic, long-range weapons. It was really amazing to see how our team skills developed. At the start, we would leg it from any group of zombies bigger than us. By the end of our play session, we were co-ordinating tactical attacks on Tanks. As well as hitting people with guitars.

The game really won me over, and I'd love to get it. I may pick it up in the January sales and then play some co-op over XBox Live, but this all remains to be seen.

I've been playing a lot recently, ranging between Bioshock (really scary), Prince of Persia (needlessly repetetive) and Batman (excellent) as well as Wario Land 3 (it works! Also, it's great) so I may randomly post about them at some point.

But right now I'm sick. Leave me alone, y'all...

The Potential Death of A Cartridge by Perpetual Rain

I dunno, what do you think? This blog post title sounds like the name of a really pretentious art piece you might get in the Tate modern. It would feature neither cartridges, nor water, and be made mainly of polystyrene. And feature an apple somewhere. Okay, tangent completed.

Here's the thing about Amazon or eBay ettiquette. The moment something is sent, and I mean literally the moment (using your iPhone from the post office) you mark it as sent. This is so the people (in this case, me) who are waiting for the item in question (in this case, Wario Land 3) know to check their post box to see if it has arrived. Otherwise, it sits in the post box, ALL Saturday, a day filled with showers of heavy rain, resulting in the cartridge absorbing a fair amount of water.

Admittedly this rage could be mis-placed. I haven't actually tried the game yet, so it could work fine, but I know these cartridges. They struggled if they got a little dust in 'em, I can't bare to think how it'll handle a day of British precipitation.

However we are coming ever closer to my return to London, and my epic splurg of gaming that will ensue. I'm really psyched for Bioshock. Wolfenstein can't hold my interest for much longer.

Until next time, this is me, a guy who doesn't understand the words "end of term revision", saying I'll see y'all after the storm!

Stocking Up Shop

Tis the season to be gaming! That's right, I'm going HOME!... next weekend. BUT I'M STILL EXCITED!

In preperation for getting back on the Xbox, I am getting in a load of cheap old games to play until Christmas, which should both pass the time and boost my pitiful gamer score. So, in the fashion, let's run those games down together, shall we?


BIOSHOCK! Partially inspired by the recent coverage of Bioshock 2 (which looks very good) and also by the fact I've played it on a mate's console and it was pretty awesome. I like the idea of being able to upgrade a shotgun, and the fact I can combine that with telekinesis is basically my idea of some bizarre FPS-RPG nirvana. However, Bioshock is slightly scary and I haven't had a great history with scary things in the past. HOW WILL I MANAGE?!??

PRINCE OF PERSIA! (THE NEW ONE!) I liked the look of this game the moment I set eyes on it. I'm not entirely sure what you would call the art style (cell-shaded realism, perhaps?) but it looks beautiful. As far as I know the game got fair to good reviews, although apparently it's quite easy. For me this is a good thing. Easier games = faster gamerscore. I'm a wannabe achievement whore!

WARIO LAND 3! I am well aware this is not a 360 game, or infact a current generation game, but I was thinking about it the other day and remembering how brilliant it was. I have to say, maybe apart from Rayman and the original Super Mario Bros., it's probably the best platformer I've ever played. It's got non-linear level choices, multiple level endings, a wide range of enemies and power-ups, mashes platforming and puzzling brilliantly and has lovely visuals considering when it was released. I'm may even dig out my Game Boy Colour to play it as God intended. Although if I can't use it I'll use the SP.

This is all still a week away. I'm killing myself writing this.

Until then, this is me, a guy who HATED Wario Land 4, signing off until I make it back home y'all!

Fupdate

'lo internet peeps. Rather subdued blog post today. I feel I have had one too many bamboo martinis, an entirely fictional drink I just made up, although I'm not sure why... Meh.

First up, I recently worked out how to hook my iPod up to the WiFi in all of my lecture halls, meaning that I can access Twitter, Facebook, the App store and the internet at large during my learning sessions. It also has the negative side effect of reducing my attention three-fold, but as any good mathmatician will tell you, zero divided by anything is still zero. But onward, to the new games!

EARTHWORM JIM! This is an old game, but has now been re-released on that developer's lottery ticket, the App Store. I've never actually seen Earthworm Jim but I've read a lot about it, and how it is actually a geniunely funny game. And here's the thing; Earthworm Jim is actually funny, and not in a bad way. The only way to describe it is like playing through a cartoon. Being attacked by several crows? Just hold down the fire button and Jim flails around comedically, blasting every which way. Want to cross a spiky chasm? Whip your OWN HEAD around a chain. There's not really many new things I can say about a game released almost 15 years ago 'cept this; IT'S FUNNY STUFF

WOLFENSTEIN! Talked about about this a long time ago, and at the time said it was fun, if not dated (shockingly) I've now downloaded the newer version, which has the Spear of Destiny levels. It's pretty much more of the same, aim in the general direction of the baddies and shoot at them. Occasionally there's a guy with miniguns. A nice way to pass the time in a particularly dull biochem lecture.

LEFT 4 DEAD 2! Well, I haven't actually played this yet, although I would like to. The other day, via a certain games journalist's Twitter feed, I found out that L4D2 was selling on Tesco Entertainment for the amazing sum of 15 quid. As a student, I lapped up this offer and looked forward to playing it as soon as I returned home for Christmas. However, Tesco then emailed me a few days later telling me the producted was "incorrectly priced" and that they had cancelled my order. How. How do you mean to price something at £37.70 and accidentally put it on at 15 pounds? If it was on for £3.77 because someone dropped a decimal I can get that, but that's not a pricing error, they just hate me. However, they very kindly (SARCASM) gave me £2 off anything in the store, so I'm trying to decide between L4D2 or...

THE SABOTEUR! This game was another one of those games that snuck up on me. When I first saw it at E3 I passed it off as a sort of Assassin's Creed clone set in WW2, but I got more interested when I found out the main character was Irish, not French. Yes, I know, casual racism is wrong and everything. I like the colour concept, and the missions look interesting. Plus, boobs.

Kay, I'm done here. Let's roll out, y'all!

A Text Adventure (WITH SECRET MESSAGE)

You are in a room. It is dark.

> Look at room

The room is dark

>Turn on light

The room is light. You see a door

>Open door

You go out into a wooden glade. There is a "The Starting Village"

> Look at "The Starting Village"

There is a tape recorder sellotaped to the front of the "The Startign Village"

> Play tape recorder

The note says;

Hey there. My laptop is fundamentally broken, both the charger and the battery, meaning I can barely get an hour out of it, and the screen keeps fading in and out. Sucks that I can't play Torchlight... But I've ordered a new charger, so hopefully that should get here soon... *crackle* Oh no I'm losing receptio- *static* Listen, you must go through the por-*buzzing* -ing the blue key, grab the final glyp-*shrieking* place all the energy crystals in the al-*barking* then once the demon is dead, report back to me, okay?

A portal opens beside you

>Fuck this

Do you really want to fuck this without saving? Y/N

>Y

NoClip and Further Dungeons

Before we get started, lemme just say I wanna go to a PAX. This is now my goal. To go to a PAX. They are at sucky times of the year for me, and also in America, but I'm still going to one of them. So there.

Re-installed Half-Life 2, purely so I could abuse the console to get the Super Gravity Gun and stuff the bloody trash can cop into the god-damn trash can then laugh hysterically. After about twenty minutes of basically hitting the corpse into the can, it went in, but it really wasn't worth after all the effort. I was so bored by that point I even forgot to get a screen shot. I also mucked about with a bit of noclipping, but usually ended up trapped in NoWhereVille (the name I give to the blank areas behind the drawn walls) so that got dull after a while. I turned the game off when killing the Metro Cops got old. I like shotguns. However, the whole experience has me thinking of a few ideas for a G-Mod comic. Don't hold your breath though, since I wouldn't even think of getting it till I get a new laptop, as HL2 staggers along on this one.

I finally bought Torchlight, and it is SWEET. As in like absolutely fantastic. I honestly can't remember the last time I enjoyed a computer game this much. I haven't been playing it as much as I've wanted to (i.e. the whole day) but I am writing a review for NR, so there's that. Next time I blog it'll be a proper post about the game, with a suitably appropriate pun as the title...

But until then, watch this, and I will see y'all when you next turn up!

Wicky-Wicky-Wickah

I think my DJ name would either be DJ Tongue Skills, or DJ Improbability. Both of these would look pretty good on a flyer.

I've been mucking around with this interesting little distraction a bit recently. I've always liked the idea of being able to make my own music but unfortunately I have never the cognitive cpacity or the intiative to actually get into. "DJ Sheepwolf" is good for a laugh, but I'd like something like that with more samples, and maybe if I could get a keyboard set-up with it... Here I go off on my wild fantasies of creating crazy rock-electro fusion bands... You'll know if I've made it cause the band will be called "GoneFission".

Mixing up some "phat beats" on the web inspired me to have a look at DJ Hero. Although it has a hefty price tag, it's something I'd love to play. I may even consider buying it at some point in the future, although not until I've tried it first. Despite looking at numerous videos and reading several descriptions, I can't understand how you carry out the on-screen instructions.
The price point is way too high though. The basic pack is almost 100 quid, and the Renegade edition, despite having an AWESOME name, just isn't worth the 170 pound outlay.



Well, that's all for now, but you can find me, DJ Mousemat, at the venue, y'all!

Oh, and by the way, if you wanna find out more about Dj Hero, check out this rather nifty site; http://djhero.org.uk, it's pretty good on info about the game.

UF-OMG

Ugh, it hurts to have a title that cliche. I'll go flay myself after this.

No blog posts for a while. I went home at the weekend, but I didn't update the blog because I'd left my laptop charger back at the flat, and I didn't realise until the second the train pulled out of Canterbury East. Just my luck.

I had a go on this weird white box next to my TV, which I'm pretty is called a XBox or something like that. I finally finished Mothership Zeta on F3, which was good. There's a very weird space battle section at the end which involves pressing three buttons, and that's pretty much it. Although there is an awesome explosion at the end. Upon returning to Earth I wandered around the Wastelands aimlessly, and it rekindled my love for Fallout 3. Plus, alien lazers are pretty awesome.

I also am looking to buy Torchlight, mainly because I need a new game to play, and also something to review on NR. I'd spent most of last week entering a six-word story competition to try and win a copy. On one hand, I like the idea of a contest that isn't entirely luck based. On the other, HURR ME CANT WRITE GOOD WORDS.

Finally, go read this webcomic. It's clearly designed for cool people, so god knows why I'm reading it.

As you may be able to tell I'm feeling a tad self-depricating this week. Thumbs up though.

See y'all at some other point in the future!

Nothing Doing

There has been a lack of updates here recently. Reason; I've honestly got nothing to talk about. The new laptop fell through, I've been slowing been turning my room into a Coca-Cola advert (and seriously suffering from the effects of this) and hammering my head against a wall because i STILL don't have Torchlight. Curse you, ambiguous god-like entity.

This also has the impact that I've had nothing to write for the Newb Review, so I may wheel out my old review of Grim Fandango. I am probably going to be appearing on the podcast this week so check it out on the site

Finally, my one sentence review of that Tekken game that was on PSP;

You can play as a kangaroo.

Take from that what you will. Now go 'way...

Revenge of the Free Weekend

Rising up from the depths of the sea like some ancient, eldritch god, it's the return of the most terrifying event in my PC gaming history...

THE REVENGE OF THE FREE WEEKEND!

...the horror.

Ever since my last experience with a free weekend on Steam, I've been wary of them, although this has been about as effective as telling a magpie to lay off the shiny things; I'm generally attracted to the word "free".

After giving this post such a bad intro, it actually went quite well. You may or may not know the superhero MMO "Champions Online" is getting a new update quite soon, and to promote this (as well as the game itself I suppose) there was a free weekend. And so, I blindly plowed in, although this time I expected to be stopped in my tracks at start-up.

However, getting to the start up turned out to be quite a challenge. Observe;

Now, this might not seem like a big deal, but this was after 4 hours. FOUR. HOURS. 50% in four hours. I actually slept over night and when my laptop went into low power mode, it stopped the thing so I had to restart the entire process... Fortunately when I did, it went a lot faster, only around 45 minutes. When I finally did start the game, as I expected it froze and sent me back to the desktop, but fortunately, this helpful window popped up;

This cheered me up, as most games (I'm looking at you, Portal) throw a hissy fit and decide that my computer doesn't deserve them. So after clicking this option, the game started running and I made it through to the main menu, and then onwards to the character creation screen.

In CO, there are a ridiculous number of customizations options that you can choose from. Everything from nose postion, to colour of your socks to the shape of your shoulder pads. It took me a while to get to used to all of the options, but once I had, I designed a pretty cool character... Although I forgot to get a screenshot of him on his own. So instead here's a picture of him shooting some giant alien bugs called the Kula or something;

As you can see, he's basically a private detective, although he does have a cyborg hand. Who says that amputees can't be superheros?

So after shooting a million more of these things, and then fighting a giant robot and blowing up an alien mothership (which sounds really exciting but essentially requires pressing the 1 key a lot, and then every now and again holding down the 2 key) I headed into the desert... For some reason.

At this stage, I finally got to "buy" more superpowers, something that had been confusing the hell out of me. I'd been leveling up for ages, and yet I still only had my "shoot" and "shoot for a bit longer" moves. When I got to this so-called Powerhouse, I got to trade in my points for more moves. After careful deliberation, I settled for "Bullet Ballet", because that sounded the coolest. Unfortunately, this move seems to comprise entirely of elbowing the bad guy in the face, which was a massive dissapointment. However, I did get the jet boots power, so I instantly flew as high as I could. This became a problem when I realised I couldn't get down, so I turned the boots off, and ended up a very broken robo-detective on the desert floor.

Overall, CO has got a lot going for it, but it's just not implemented in the right way. Powers are distributed badly, quests are nothing new, and the combat isn't breaking any major convetions. If I could afford it, and I had the time, then I might look into playing it for a few months, but right now, Renegade, cyborg gunslinger and licensed private eye is going to take a crime-fighting vaction.

See y'all at the headquarters!

Life is one big RPG...

Or so it would seem that way. It's all about the upgrades, people!

Finally. Finally, after literally years of complaining, I am upgrading my laptop. Yeah, the E System 3115 with it's 1.73Ghz processor, 1MB of memory and 80GB of hard drive has served me well enough in the past (ignoring the problems with Portal and Time Gentlemen, Please) but now I'm moving on up.

THIS is the laptop I'm getting, although, technically it's not, sort of making that link pointless. Whilst it's still the Acer 5738, it's got a 320GB hard drive instead of 250GB, and actually has real graphics card (the main reason I like it). It's also got an AMD Athelon processor (I think) which only runs at 2.0Ghz, but I'm perfectly happy with that. Oh and it's rocking up Windows 7, which honestly isn't a big deal for me, although apparently it can give me 15% more battery life, although I have absolutely no idea how.

So there we go. I should be getting it sometime around next week, so The Toaster isn't finished yet, it's still got some time left before I sell it to someone, then run off laughing about it.

On a similar vein, I've been getting excited about Torchlight, which I can honestly admit I only found out about three or four days ago from the Steam frontpage. It's sort of Diablo-esque click-a-thon, probably because it was made by a load of the guys who did the first two Diablos. I don't know what interested me about it, but it's a low-spec game, with an cool gameplay idea (procedurally-generated-item-collecting-dungeon-crawler-with-a-wolf-sidekick), and I've downloaded the demo. I'll be honest, it doesn't run as well as I'd hope, so I may need to get a laptop... HEY. I just realised...

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a full circle.

The other day I bought EDGE. I've given up all hope.

See y'all in the Dungeons!

Size Matters

God bless Steam and its digital distribution prowess. We all love 'em.

T'other day, I was perusing the virtual shop of Indie games, and my eyes came to rest on "The Wonderful End of The World", created by Dejobaan Games (bringing you quality video games for over 75 years).

I've been interested in DG for a while now, ever since I heard about the ridiculously named "AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! -- A Reckless Disregard for Gravity", and when I checked out their site, I found myself enthralled by the concept of TWEOTW (great acronym by the way)

The backstory to the game, as taken from their website, is as follows; "A joyous trek around the Earth to gather everything you can before it's eaten by a giant fish head".

Yeah...

So the basic premise of the game is this; go around and pick up as much stuff in the level as you can. The challenge comes from your size. You see, your character is made up from the items you collect within the level, and the more items you collect, the larger you grow. This allows you to collect larger items, and as a result, grow taller, and then you can... you see where I'm going with this.

I really like TWEOTW. The art is well done and works well. There's a diverse range of levels, each with individual jokes in them. The props in game are all used in multiple levels, but the effect works well. The music is a real stand-out point for me, it sounds brilliant. Each of the levels has it's own unique track and they are all perfectly suited to their level.

TWEOTW came out in 2007, and it's taken me this long to get around it. Next week I'll be bringing you breaking up to date news about Skullmonkeys.

See y'a- WAIT!

I conducted an interview with the guys from Mode 7 Games the other day, and it's now up on The Newb Review. Check it out here, why not?

See y'all on the new homeworld!

Border-Line Psychopath

ShackNews has no function to embed video into your own site. How utterly strange.





Borderlands is a game I really want, and as per usual I have no idea why. It's like Fallout 3. I couldn't care less about it then suddenly BAM. I want it so bad.

The general consensus on the net seems to be this; good, a few flaws, but I'm still playing it. The RPG elements have been slightly criticized, but the art style and the co-op aspects have been praised. I, for one, like both the art style and the range of characters. I'll probably play as the soldier, because shotguns are clearly the most superior weapons. Ever. So here's hoping for a shotgun that fires lazer-grenades. Oh man that'd be so damn awesome.

So yeah, I'll probably get Borderlands for Christmas once the hype has died down and some of the DLC has been released. Fun times.

On an entirely unrelated note I got X-Men Origins: Wolverine on DVD today. Fun fact; it comes with an easy-to-obtain digital copy on the disk, which I will put onto my iPod very soon. But more importantly...




And with that thought children, I'm gonna leave y'all to the wolves.

Ich bin ein PSP owner

Well sort of. I have one on me. It's just not technically mine.

But first to business! This late blog comes to you courtesy of a shoddy internet connection and several coughing fits. And also my lectures. Those take up lots of time.

Went home at the weekend, on a rather long train journey. I started to fall asleep towards the end, so I played a little CivRev on my iPod. Nothing makes a train journey more exciting than dropping a nuclear ICMB on Paris. Except nachos. Nachos make anything more exciting.

At home, I actually ended up playing no Fallout 3, a fact that surprised me most of all. Instead I recompleted Shadow Complex with all of the items collected (for no real reason) and also played a little bit of Halo 3. Halo 3 is okay, but a tad dull at times. I really should have adjusted the controls because they felt way too sensitive.

I also watched a lot of The Simpsons Season 11, because my parents gave it to me as sort of a well-done-for-surviving-one-month-at-uni-without-resorting-to-theft. I think I deserved that one. I haven't stolen anyone's milk. Yet.

I also missed out on the oppotunity to get StarCraft for £10. This is because I am an idiot. Learn from my mistake, children.

But to the crux of the matter ; das PSP. Although I've yet to take the plunge and actually buy one (with all that money I don't have) I have borrowed one off of my neighbour, who got it a few years ago but never played it.
I've been playing a bit of God of War; Chains Of Olympus, which is fun but fairly tedious. Although I got to fight the bastard offspring of the Cloverfield monster and a dragon. Can't complain...

Right, gotta sleep. Oh an speaking of Shadow Complex... GO!

A Time for the Signs

I don't think I should feel bad about paying such a small amount for a game.

I mean the reason that I only paid a dollar was that I figured it would be in pounds anyway so I could tell exactly how much I was paying. But it wasn't so a pound seemed like a round amount.

World of Goo. It's an incredibly popular game on both the PC and the Wii (and I also hear rumours of an iPod version), and to celebrate its first birthday, the game's designers 2dboy decide to do one of those "pay what you feel like" events that have been gaining in popularity recently. I thought it was a sweet deal, because WoG costs 17 quid on Steam, and I can't afford that in a reccession.

This made me laugh way more than it should have

A physics based puzzler, WoG presents you with a crazy world, filled strange globs of goo that can stick together to form different shapes. The goal in each level is to reach the pipe, which carries the blobs of gunk off to the shadowy "World of Goo" corporation. The story progresses in the form of short cutscenes, which give away small bits of the background story, although still enough to keep you in the dark (or should that be goo?)


That's one of the things I like most about WoG; the shadowy coporation behind the whole set up of the game. I've just finished Chapter 2, and I sort of think I know what's going on, but the story is very well laid out. The signs left about by the Signpainter are a genius touch, giving you a different angle on the event unfolding around you. The art style is also fantastic, and works with the gameplay so brilliantly, I almost fell over. Oh, and it runs well on The Toaster, which is good.

This is a weird sentence. However, this cutscene had brilliant music (which obviously you can't hear)

So, World of Goo. It can be very cheap now, if you want it to be. It can also be ridiculously expensive, but I don't see anyone paying a million dollars for it. Although that would be fantastic if somebody did. 2dboy would go on forever with that backing.

Next time, on The Starting Village...

Edd returns home and re-discovers the 360!

Aliens get shot at in slow-motion in all new Fallout 3 DLC!

And Edd wishes he had a decent game to play on the train ride to London!

All this, and perhaps more, in the next exciting installment of The Starting Village!

Here Be Dragons...

I dunno. Dragon Age Origins seems okay. I've got a real craving for open-worlds with lots to do in 'em at the moment.
The video slightly pushed me more towards buying it. Apparently obese multi-breasted tentacle monsters sell. Shocking development.

I'm still undecided on the PSP. If I get it, I have to regulate myself. Only in the evenings, after some study. And maybe at weekends. And sometimes over breakfast. And maybe take it to a couple of lectures... Ah.

Okay then. I may (read; slight chance) be putting another video up next weekend, this time featuring me and the other Midnight Marathoners. Crash 3 seems like a good choice. Stay tuned for more on that.

Finally, let's all check out The Newb Review. Because we're not all hardcore.

Stay alert and watchful, y'all.

On PSPs and Podcasts...

Fresh from killing thousands upon thousands of mean in pink sweaters wielding baseball bats, it's me with...

The mid-week blog, here at The Starting Village.

The PSPGo! has been released and the entire gaming community has replied with a monumental "Who cares?" I actually saw one today. It's amzing how a) much it looks like an iPhone and b) crap it looks. But more to the point I've been thinking about getting a PSP 3000. Now that the new version is out, retailers have reduced the prices of the older models, so now seems like an apt time to buy. There are a variety of games on the PSP that I'm interested in, ranging from the older games (such as Daxter and the Ratchet and Clank games) to some of the newer releases (like Monster Hunter Freedom Unite, or Dissidia), so it's not like I wouldn't have a variety of stuff to play. As I student I really shouldn't but I did make a lot of money selling old games on eBay... World of Warcraft's sacrifice will not be in VAIN!

I've also been looking into making a podcast with gaming cohort of mine, Robert Akehurst. We've talked about a lot in the past and it's something that could be a bit of a laugh to do. We don't actually live near enough to each other to feasibley commute ever other week so we are looking into doing it over Skype. It does mean I have to buy a microphone, but I should probably get one anyway. You know, for all that microphoning that needs doing. So yes, stay tuned for more on that. I still gotta think of a name.

Finally, I just recieved Crash Bandicoot 3 in the post and it doesn't work. GOD DAMN IT. If I had a PSP, this wouldn't be a problem... mutter mutter mutter.

See y'all in the future!

Midnight Marathon; CTR

The following is the so-called minutes of a marathon session of CTR. Me and roomates Rowan and Tom set out with goal to beat the game 100% (yes, we know it's 101%) in one single play through. These minutes chronicle this, and also the decaying state of our mental faculties throughout the night. Enjoy!

9.40; Starting from new, using Crash as he’s the only character well balanced enough
10.00 Edd has first go.
10.01; Edd walks off in huff
10.02; Rowan does time trial perfectly
10.10; Rowan finishes first pack of biscuits
10.30 Rowan defeats first boss Ripper Roo, considers that Roo’s Tubes may be an entendre
10.40; Tom calls Coco a “blonde bitch”
10.45; Edd celebrates very easy win. Probably the only of the night.
10.50; Unlocked new world, completely owned first
10.55; Tom offer Papu-Papu victory cake
10.57; Papu-Papu gets no cake.
11.03; Rowan and Edd astounded by Tom’s shortcut genius; both in-game and real life
11.06; Edd thinks that the piranha plants are a Mario rip-off
11.08; Memory card issues are a bitch
11.16; We all buy Crash 3. Go platformer games
11.18; Tom forgets he is doing a CTR collection. Panicked collecting follows
11.19; Tom wins, because he is inhumanely good at this
11.29; Break for pasta
11.54; Game starts again, Edd has started drinking coke from a mug.
11.55; Tom hits a seal
00.01; We discuss how Sonic sucks now.
00.02; Tom comes dangerously close to losing. I mean only like a three second lead.
00.05; Komodo Joe, according to Tom is “a little wankstain”
00.06; Tom wins. Komodo Joe commits ritual suicide. Probably
00.15; Edd is stunned that there was a PS1 game called CyberTiger
00.20; Tom has yet another go at Coco, calling her a slut this time. Some issues there.
00.23; There are 7 games in a series called Every Child Can Suceed. The world is strange.
00.32; Tom achieves platinum, we rejoice with claps and well dones
00.41; No-one can pronounce Kristen Kreuke’s name
00.42; Dead or Alive breast discussions
00.46; Tom lists the average contents of a toilet. He’s maddened, apparently01.02; hulabooga
01.03; Pinstripe is, apparently, a potoroo.
01.08; Pinstripe has an unnecessarily long course
01.11; Pinstripe can go to hell.
01.12; CTR probably had a lot of extra memory space...
01.14; “A Faceful of TNT” sounds like a great album title
01.19; Tom; “It’s ass-kicking time”
01.20; Manure to butter alchemy riles everyone
01.24; Crash Bandicoot... IN SPACE!
01.27; A fall into the void causes a loud WHAT? from Tom
01.34; WHERE’S THE TEA?
01.36; Rowan is mentally deficient in some way. His words
01.40; Third memory card fail of the evening, fixed by blow job
01.43; Edd needs to relieve himself – thus Rowan is in charge of minutes
01.44; Very slow save of our minutes
01.45; Edd walks into door in attempt to prove his existence
01.47; We finally resort to “your mum” insults
01.48; ...shortly followed by gangsta talking, bra
01.50; We suddenly realise what we are doing with our lives.
01.51; Tom establish command as head gamer
01.56; The French for “warp orbs” is “boules de teleportation”. Just in case you were interested.
01.58; Rowan is official off his tits on sleep deprivation
02.00; 88%
02.01; Tom stops for toilet break; imprint in bed is left
02.05; Rowan has lost all mental reasoning. However, can still make self-scathing jokes.
02.10; Tom threatens an endangered species. He is now a man.
02.16; What’s in those nitro crates anyway?
02.20; Tom takes all the harsh comments back when he sees Coco’s new design
02.21; She’s still a slut though.
02.28; Silence
02.30; Tom Trehearn is... THE WALL RIDER.
02.36; Edd has a dressing gown on now.
02.43; Playing pranks on flatmates passes the time.
02.45; Where are the teams?
02.53; Excellent recovery by Tom, from 8th to 1st. He’s still playing by the way.
02.58; Missle is too negative, try rocket instead.
02.59; Tom is taking on all the bosses at once.
03.02; Talk of characters knifing each other illustrates our mental state
03.07; Eye of the Tiger. It’s about damn time.
03.08; Tom can do a handbrake turn in CTR. The world is still strange.
03.10; Memory card fails for the fourth time
03.14; Two platinum relics, and Tom is ready for N. Oxide...
03.15; 97%
03.19; Final boss = surprisingly tough...
03.20; AND THAT’S THE GAME!
03.21; Credits have never tasted so sweet.
03.24; Credits, now with political satire!
03.27; Thanks to Tom’s tireless tire-burning tricks, CTR has been bested. GOODNIGHT!

Track, Bash, Do it Again...

Coming to you live from a creaky office chair next to a window overlooking a poorly tended lawn it's...

The Starting Village (DUN DUN DUN!)

Two games have been taking up my time. I shall now divulge information about them, before my extraction team turns up.

Trackmania Nations Forever, which is like the shorter, slower, less attractive brother of Trackmania United Forever. TNF is free, and generally fun, and as I said before, I've yet to come across a free game that I didn't like. Although...

You see, when I started playing TNF, I really enjoyed it, having to improve my time a desperately shaving off extra points to try and beat the gold ghost. But around the mid-difficulty level, the races suddenly become impossible. Jumps that have to be hit at exactly full speed and at just the right place with incredibley twist run ups mire your enjoyment of the game. Stupid camera shifts and split second timing make the gravity-defying tracks a nightmare. When I was struggling to beat the bronze medal, I just quit and gave up. The point is, the tracks get TOO stupid. Loop-the-loops I can handle. 180 sideways twist can suck a rock.

Crash Bash. It's like Mario Party... But with Crash. So Crash Party. My flatmate has a PS2 and Crash Bash is one of two multiplaer games that I'd play (note; the other is CTR, so there we go). It's amazing how many swears you get from playing this game. Some of the goal defending levels are piss-takingly difficult, and the ones where you play off a handicap are so amazingly nerve-testing. It's also fun to play because of the chunky graphics. I've always found it weird how we never really saw the blocks at the time, we just thought the graphics were awesome. I'm not saying I don't like them mind. Being retroactively critical is unneccesary.

Also, BFH, but I don't need to talk about that again, do I?

Aha, bow before my jetpack-and-armour might!

See y'all at the finish line!

Ice, The University and Everything

This weekend's installment of "The Starting Village" comes to you live from a brand spanking new location; a small room in a flat to the north of Canterbury!

Yes I have moved. And after soom furious battling with the internet, I established a connection, and got back to what really matters; teh interwebs.

Over the past week, I've been using my laptop a lot more than I normally would. I've downloaded a few demos off Steam (because I have no money and my Xbox is at home), and here's a short sentence for each of them;

- Gish; Jumping is too hard, lighting is nice
- Psychonauts; Good length, if I heard the word punch again I'll explode
- Blueberry Garden; Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

I've also bought the LucasArts Adventure game pack, or whatever its called, and I've been playing both Fate of Atlantis and LOOM. FoA is very... cheesy, and LOOM... Well in the first 10 minutes of LOOM, all of my friends had turned into swans and my mother turned into a duck and flew through a rift in space time. Yes.

Another thing I've been playing is this, or for those of you who are scared of links, Icycle, a bike game set in an icy apocalypse. Insanely tough and incredibly well designed, it's a great time waster.

Because I'm now using a wired connection, I've been playing more BFH. I still suck, but at least I can get better because I won't have "THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR CONNECTION" popping up every ten seconds.

Well that's all for now. I'll be doing a "Postcards From..." for all the LA games I just got, but until them, don't feed the Yao Guai, chiiildren!



I miss Fallout 3 =(

Trench Warfare Fun in the Snow

Rejoice, celebrate and so on. After spending a whole half a day bouncing up and down staring out the window, just when I had decided to give up, the postman FINALLY arrived and I literally snatched the parcel from his hands. Maybe a slight over-reaction but I didn't care.

The result of this perplexing display of anti-socialism? I had gained the first two DLCs for Fallout 3, although because they came on a disk, we shall now be referring to them as add-ons.

First up was Operation Anchorage, a military simulation set during the communist occupation of Anchorage, Alaska. After investigating an emergency signal from some Brotherhood Outcasts, I found myself in the middle of a small battle between said Outcasts and some Super Mutants. After reloading my game because I accidentally shot one of the Knights (who decided walking into my line of fire was a sensible strategy) the group and I bested the Muties and moved onward to a Pre-War armoury containing a military simulation of the Anchorage ho-down. After leaping in without a thought for my personal safety, I found myself half way up a cliff with very little in the way of weapons. After receiving some exposition from a cliff-climbing American soldier, I wandered off along the cliff face to shoot some Communists, which cheered me up. Actually that was the second best part of OA; Shooting commies. It's more fun if you shout "Better dead than red!" or something similar every time you shoot them.


Anyway after fighting invisible Chinese ninjas and blowing up some rather large cannons, I found myself in command of a squad of troops, and this was where OA got slightly confused. You are given the option of putting together a squad of soldiers (or robots) to help you in fighting the Chinese, but there doesn't really seem to be much point to it. Allies can be respawned almost instantly, which bears no penalty, so the threat level is minimal. You also get to choose between a rather crap selection of weapon packs, and unfortunately there's no option of Chinese Assault Rifle. As much as I slag off the commies, they knew what they were doing with the Xuanlong.


The long and short of Operation Anchorage is that you get access to a ton of cool armour and weaponry, most prominently, the Chinese Stealth Armour. This is possibly the coolest piece of tech I've seen in pretty much seen in any game ever. Ever. Probably. Invisibility is awesome...

So the end word on Operation Anchorage is that it plays out well, with some odd squad based combat, but worthwhile rewards. Next time, I'll be shouting about The Pitt, and why I think everyone needs an Auto Axe. See y'all then!

So Long, and Thanks for All The... Um...

There comes a time in every person's life when they realise they must move out from under their parents roof and go and live in expensive student housing with a shared kitchen, along with a bunch of people that they've never met before, and then spend the next four years learning about what make living things work like what we does. And also have no money to spend on anything except ASDA's own brand mayonnaise (41 pence a jar). Jesus, what have I done?

So as you may have deduced from my terror induced rambling, I'm leaving home to join the university circus. I'm more worried than... something very worried. Of course, moving away means I'll be living in my own flat (sort of). This means that I wish to even take a television, I would have to pay somewhere in the region of £150, even if I do not watch the wonderful range of BBC programs (that's not sarcasm, I actually quite like the BBC's programming) The knock on effect of this is that I can't use my 360, until some kind of solution to this is found. It's a bit of a kick in the teeth but I really cannot afford a TV licence. I'm just waiting for Scribblenauts. Then things'll be better.

So that's all that. I have a blog waiting in the wings about the first two Fallout 3 DLCs, and I may put that up on Wednesday (maybe, I'll be very busy next week) Till then, keep your eyes on http://www.newbreview.com/

Well it's been fun in South East London, but Canterbury is calling me, and I feel I've outgrown this town.

So, to paraphrase an ex-security guard on a train, I'll see y'all when I see y'all!

Unnecessary Update Column

A skewed look at the week's headlines in the gaming world...

The PS3 sales have gone up either 300% or 999%, depending on who you pay attention to. Sony have released a statement indicating a "300 percent lift in PS3 hardware sales". On top of this, Chart Tracker announced that the sales had rocketed 999% to 40,000 overall sales.
I just want to quickly shoot down all of the Sony fanboys stating this is everybody realising that the PS3 is clearly the best console. The reason for this rise in sales, incredibly enough, is the price cut, and also the fact that the adverts now actually mention what they are selling. Those "this is living" adverts where almost as poor as that original Xbox "life is short" advert.
I guess the positive of this is that Jack Tretton will finally have something else to talk about, because it's getting dull hearing him constantly tell us how incredibley powerful the PS3 is. We know Jack. We all know.

There will be no Halo Natal "until it makes sense" says ODST producer Alex Cutting, following with "...we are not going to produce a gimmicky feature that just takes advantage of motion controls when it doesn't feel right."
It's good to see that MGS aren't going to do a Nintendo on us, but I can't see Natal EVER being right for any FPS, let alone Halo. Unless it can actually scan me pretending to hold an assault rifle, then tracking my finger as I pull the trigger, Natal can't beat dual analogue controls. Even if it could track this, movement would still be an issue. I don't want to have to jog on the spot to avoid laser fire.

Courtney Love, or at least someone on Twitter who may be Courtney Love, is getting up in arms about Kurt Cobain's likeness. Going by the twitter moniker courtneylover79 (which sounds incredible fake, although that of course may be the point), she has stated "FOR THE RECORD I DID NOT APPROVE KURTS AVATAR FOR GUYITARHERO5" which completely goes against Activision's claims that they "secured the necessary licensing rights from the Cobain estate in a written agreement signed by Courtney Love to use Kurt Cobain's likeness as a fully playable character in Guitar Hero 5"
Apart from telling us that Ms. Love talks like a angry twelve year old fanboy, this story also gives us an insight into Activision's business dealings. courtneylover79, who has now blocked her twitter feed from unnaproved followers, states that "i was forced with literally a GUN to sell RIGHTS". Apparently Activision have decided to start holding people at theorectical gunpoint to get hold of lucrative rights. Of course they have.
I'm sure the only reason Kurt is in Guitar Hero 5 is so this sort of thing can appear on the internet.

Wasteland Survival 101

Welcome to the Capital Wastelands, stranger. Here's a gun, here's some irradiated water, and here's a futuristic wristwatch/PDA that can stop time so you can aim at specific parts of your enemies body. Good luck.

So here's the deal with Fallout 3. It's probably the best game I've ever played, hands down. It's atmospheric, it's open-ended, it's brutally realistic (except VATS, but VATS is excellent anyway) it's visually astounding and it's compelling. I know this is an year-old game, but I would say to anyone that hasn't played yet to buy/rent/steal/pickpocket a copy and give it a go.

In terms of genre, Fallout 3 is a survival RPG with some light first person shooter elements. This suits me just fine, because my FPS skills are lackluster at best. VATS is also a brilliant tool for me as it makes aiming, and killing, makes more satisfying. Admittedly, the stats might be off, but nine times out of ten it hits the mark (bad pun alarm)

But what makes Fallout 3 so brilliant (I hear you cry)? The survival aspect of the game is so well implemented, it creates a whole new level of gameplay. Because you have a limit of how much you can carry, your weapon and healing items are limited to only what you carry. Weapons steadily degrade meaqning you have to find, scavenge or buy new ones to keep them in good condition. And almost all healing items you can find give you radiation, which steadily builds up to do damage to your stats.

There are so many things I could talk about in Fallout 3, but a lot of it has been said before. I'm currently at Level 19, and I realise I'm soon going to hit my peak at Level 20, but I'm already looking into getting the DLCs. I'm also on a mission to collect all the bobbleheads, as well as some of the unique weapons, so wish me luck...

What I am trying to say is that Fallout 3 is one of the best games I have ever played, and anyone he thinks otherwise is a FOOL (obscure reference). I'm sure there'll be more posts in the future about F3, especially considering the aforementioned DLCs. But right now I've got a sniper rifle and a violin to find...

See ya at the top of the Washington Monument, y'all!

...and now for something completely different

Oh man this is embarrassing. Remember last time when I said that my brain would be exploding from joy due to the arrival of Fallout 3? Well I can firmly say that my grey matter is still safely encased inside my cranium. Turns out the best time to order things from Amazon is not the Friday before a bank holiday. Go figure.

So there is no new epic Fallout 3 stuff for me to natter on about. Instead... Uh-oh, I have nothing to talk about!

Uh... I beat 'Splosion Man. This officially wins the award for strangest final boss fight ever. For the most part it involves the normal running around dodging attacks stuff, but the way you beat the boss is amazingly inventive and the sequence at the very end of the fight is bizarre. Also, Hardcore Mode is ridiculously unnecessary. Seriously, who would do that to themselves?

I've been playing Battlefield Heroes again, in no small part cause of the new outfit I've got. For a free to play game, BFH is a surprisngly good game. Sure, the lack of maps is annoying, but the vechicles and classes make it interesting, and the RPG elements mix things up. I'm getting better at it too, although connection issues are still a bitch. Check me out, yeah?

I'm so cool. With my jacket, and weirdly shaped legs, and holster I can't use because I use a shotgun.

Fianlly, I used the PC Zone DVD to install The Elder Scrolls II; Daggerfall to my laptop. This was the whole game, for free on the DVD, and as you all well know, I've yet to resist a free game. Unfotunately, I have little to no idea about how to install the game, so the closest I got was clicking a lovely little install button in a lovely little dialogue box with a lovely little dragon in it, and getting absolutely no where swiftly. Richard, if you're reading this, help me please! If you do, I'll buy your magazine forever and also mention it on this blog every week (if I remember to). PC ZONE MAGAZINE IS AWESOME. There, free marketing.

Right, I'm just about out of information, so I'm signing off. If I never do another blog it's because Fallout 3 hasn't arrived and I've topped myself. Although there's equal chance it has arrived, and I can't stop playing it to do the blog. I'm sure I'll be alright.

See ya in The Wasteland, y'all!

Arcade Cavalcade

Most people who play games for hours on end only to get the achievements are often accused of having no life. This hasn’t happened to me yet, but only because I didn’t have a life to begin with. This means I am free to play games non-stop until my eyeballs bleed just to get one achievement.

Now that I’ve cleared that up, I can talk about what I’ve been up to games-wise, and barring the problems I’ve been having with a certain beta game, they’ve all been on that wonderful white cuboid that sits next to my TV and hums loudly whenever it has to do anything. To be more accurate they all have been downloaded from XBLA, which in my opinion is a very good marketplace for downloadable games.

So what’s on the menu for this downloadable feast? Up as a starter, the spellcheckers nightmare, ‘Splosion Man. A 2.5D platforming puzzle set-up, you control an exploding man, surprisingly enough, who uses his ability to explode to blast his way through the levels, turning scientists into meat for some reason. The controls are incredibly simple with analogue stick controlling movement and every other button makes explode, flinging you into the air (having said that, the right trigger makes you “self-detonate”, killing you. I found this out the worst way). You can ‘splode mid air to continue a jump, and ‘splode once more for a third mid-air jump. The game is fairly robust, sporting 50 single player levels and 50 multiplayer modes (I think), although as is the major complaint with this game, they go on for too long and get too hard. Overall, ‘Splosion Man is a good XBLA title. The levels are interesting, the character is very quirky, and the boss fights spice things up. I’d like to see more boss fights in the sequel actually. Take notes, Twisted Pixel.

For a main course, the game I refuse to refer to as a “Metroidvania” style game, Shadow Complex. This game is also a 2.5D platformer, except this time you play as Nathan Drake-alike, Jason Flemming, although from this point on he shall be called Jason Asskicker. The story, inspired by an Orson Scott Card novel and written by Peter David, involves Asskicker and his girlfriend of apparently one day Claire going into some caves, but discovering a group of well-equipped home-grown terrorists who are preparing to cause civil war in the US of A. After Claire is capture Jason fights his way through the shadow complex, risking his life on several occasions to save the girl he’s known for one day. Plotholes aside, Shadow Complex is a good game. At the start of the game, you have a flashlight, climbing gear and a gun, and that’s what makes it so brilliant. As you hang from a ladder and blast a guard’s head in, you feel badass. When you jump off a ledge and punch a guard in the neck, you feel badass. When you fire at someone with anti-riot foam and then fire a grenade at the foam and it explodes, you laugh for a bit, then realise how badass it was. This game should be sold as a badass simulator. Seriously. It’s just a shame that towards the end, the sheer amount of enemies turns the game into more of a run and gun affair. Closing statements; Solid all-round game, few niggles.

For dessert, a classic given a new dressing, it’s The Secret of Monkey Island; Turbo HD Remix, or whatever. Although the game remains exactly the same, this new version features full voice acting, hand-painted HD backgrounds and characters and some smoother animations. First of all, SoMI is my third favourite MI game, after Curse and Revenge. My feelings towards this new game are slightly odd, in that I feel that a bit more work could have been put into it. Some of the voice acting seems weak, and whilst Earl Boen does a fantastic job with LeChuck, some of Guybrush’s lines sound slightly tired. Sorry, Dom... So to summarise, nice to hear the voices in the original, but doesn’t exactly meet my expectations. Here’s to the sequel, an infinitely better game.

So that’s that. I’ve also got the two Fable 2 DLCs but we can cover those another time. Coupla weeks, I dunno. I might do a bit about Fable III as well.
Next time on The Starting Village, I get Fallout 3, then my brain explodes from joy. See ya then!

Four Halves make a Box

Half Life 2;
I’ve been waiting to play Half Life 2 for a long time now and it was definitely worth the wait. The gameplay is good. The graphics are pretty as you fire wildly into them. The music is very good, and makes the whole experience much more cinematic. Considering this came out in 2004, it still stands up against some of the newer games that turn today’s market into a junkheap of armoured space marines and colourful family games. So yes overall, HL2 is awesome. However, I do have one problem with the story of Half Life 2. Don’t get me wrong, it is told in a very compelling and believable way, but it feels so far removed from the original they could be from entirely different franchises. I should point out this didn’t make the game any less enjoyable, it just confused me. However, G-Man is still a fantastic character in the changed context.

Half Life 2 Episode 1;
I’m not entirely sure how much time was between the two episodes but I’m glad I had the next episode ready to go, because I thought the ending to HL2 was really strange, and also a tad anti-climactic. Ep. 1 confused me at the beginning as for some strange reason you are given the regular gravity gun, which then becomes the Super Gravity Gun in exactly the same way as the previous game. But I digress. Episode 1, picking up exactly where HL2 left off, focuses a lot more on the relationship between Alyx and Gordon, and not only because you get a first person hug. The gameplay is exactly the same, although I would say that combat and puzzles mix more frequently. Apart from that, it’s pretty much the same in quality as HL2.

Half Life 2 Episode 2;
Episode 2 gets off to quite a slow start but very quickly becomes more exciting, partly because of the addition of the Hunters, and partly due to your Vortigaunt companion. I felt the story was much better than Ep. 1 and probably even HL2 itself, as I was always drawn into the story, whereas previously I had felt like somewhat of an observer. Ep. 2 also wins points because it does the see-saw puzzle on an epic scale, and the car is pretty swish as well. The Strider battle at the end is truly nothing short of epic and was definitely a high point. Whereas previous Strider battles had been a duck-and-fire routine, firing a sticky bomb onto the Striders then firing at them whilst been attacked by the Hunters is possibly the most tense gaming moment I have ever found myself in.

And whilst I’m on the topic of Half Life Games...

Half Life; Blue Shift;
Although I failed to get this in the sale, it’s still only three pounds, and in a recession, we all have to try and cut down on spending. Blue Shift is essentially Half Life told from Barney Calhoun’s point of View, and follows him throughout Black Mesa during the resonance cascade, and also briefly into everyone’s favourite border world, Xen. First of all, BS is very short. Even for me. It took me roughly about 5 hours, and that was not really concentrating and finding the hidden chumtoad. I sure I could speed-run this in about two hours, perhaps less. Having said that, my computer actually struggles to run the game anytime there is a flickering light, so perhaps not. Overall, BS feels like a bit of a fan-game but provides a nice little side story to the main game.
Onto the rest of the Orange Box...

Team Fortress 2;
I’ve actually been interested in the game for a while, even before the free weekend debacle. The Spy class had piqued my interest a while back and I’d been looking forward to stealthily backstabbing some dastardly snipers. Unfortunately, this dream got kicked in the head very early on when I found out being a Spy is effin’ hard. Every is suspicious of everyone else so disguises are fairly useless, and I’m always forgetting to come out of my cloak. So instead I decided I’d try the engineer. Now there’s a class with balls. Sentries are brilliant, teleporters are handy and dispensers... Well I guess dispensers make good shields so there we go. Apart from crippling connection issues and lack of map variety, playing Team Fortress 2 has been a laugh.
And finally...

Portal;

Yeah, it’s alright.

Viva la Resistance!

I'm not dead yet, don't worry about me.

My holiday didn't overshoot, I've just had a bit more to worry about over the past week than my lonesome blog. LIKE MY A-LEVELS. Which went quite well, thanks for asking. In about a month I'll be shipping out to Canterbury for about 4 years to study Biology (fun) and in my spare time I will attempt to play games, eat pizza, learn code, finish that novel I've been working on (joke) and maybe see if I can build a cheap gaming PC (not a joke).

I've beaten tons of games over the past two weeks, and played a few as well, but there's no time to go into all of them right now. I've done the Orange Box to death, and now I'm just trying to get some of the more obscure achievements (like playing through Episode One using only one bullet. I believe in myself!) I've started writing a quick summary so I might put it up tomorrow.

Well must dash, I'm off to a party, social butterfly that I am. Catch you all on the morrow, friends!

Shutting Up Shop

There was a reason that I didn't do a blog post the other day, my internet service provider is rubbish. And that's why I didn't post. Ha.

So this blog is going to be slightly stunted because I'm actually going on holiday at some point today. I'm off to Suffolk for a week so I'll be out of contact with the internet for a similar amount of time, assuming there isn't some kind local Wi-Fi that I can ste- make use of whilst I'm there.

In terms of games, I (finally) got The Orange Box for the 360, meaning I can kick back and play Half Life 2 all wee- OH WAIT, I'm going to SUFFOLK. Grr. Actually, I've already beaten Half Life 2, Episode One and Portal, so I guess there's less for me left to do. I'll be working on a post about them on holiday so that'll be up when I get home.

Because I'm not going to be at home for a week, I decided to get my laptop sent to the shop to have the left arrow key finally fixed. It's been broken for bloody ages and was starting to cut into my finger if I played any platform game for more than ten minutes. Unfortunately, I also found out later, after it got taken away, that Tales of Monkey Island has a demo out. Ah. So when I get my laptop back, that'll be the first thing I'll do, to see how it runs. Then I will finally be able to decide whether or not to buy it.

And finally I got 2100 Microsoft Fun Bucks the other day, which I then instantly spent on the Fable 2 DLC See The Future, and then XBLA game 'Splosion Man. One word to describe 'Splosion Man? Insane.

All this and more in the next exciting installment of The Starting Village, going live on the 17th of August! Catch you then, y'all!

Dis-Fable-ed

Why can I never think of any decent puns to go with my blogs? Next time it'll just be words about the post, not some crap joke.

So Fable 2. It's a fantasy game, and a sequel to a game I've never played. The plot is alright although the amount of freedom you have to do whatever you want means that the story is ignored most of time. Also, Stephen Fry does one of the voices, so the game gains lots and lots of Awesome Points (tm).

I guess the big thing about Fable 2 is the concept of freedom to do whatever you want, with your character being a reflection of these moral choices. Now, a lot has been said about moral choices in games and that's not particularly something I wanna get into now, but I think Fable takes an interesting approach to it. Bar the end of the game choice (which was completely stupid, by the way) the game doesn't make an epic deal of the decisions, compared to, say, Bioshock or Spider-man Web of Shadows. The majority of the choices that you make affect your characters alignment, meaning your character is a better reflection of YOU. YOU. THE PLAYER.

Fable 2 is a nice looking game as well. There are some lovely looking locations in there like Oakfield and Bower Lake. The caves are also nicely designed, and there are some brilliant light effects on the exits of them. Some of the characters have crappy models, but they get the job done, I guess.

I've actually beaten the game, and I thought the ending was incredibly anti-climatic. SPOILERS AHOY!

So you collect together the three heroes, and they all give you power or something, it wasn't very well explained. Then, evil Lord Lucien shows up and kidnaps everyone, which is expected of him, because he is generically evil. Then he goes on to talk to you, but I wasn't listening at this point. Something about chaos. Then he shot my dog. NO! MR WOOFYPANTS! Although his real name was Maxwell. Then he shot me and I died. But I didn't and you have to go through this whole creepy dream sequence with your (dead) sister, and then you run off into this horrible battlefield and get the music box from the start...

So you finally reach the spire and Lucien is draining magical power from the three Heroes, for no apparent reason other than it's evil, although I had been doing the exact same thing ten minutes earlier. Then you hold A to activate the music box, and this stops Lucien (somehow) and then I shot him, and he died.

And that's how Fable 2 ends. What a gyp. Okay, you get to make the decision to resurrect the dead people, or the dog, or just get loads of gold. Admittedly, I was gonna get the gold, but I decide to bring back the dog, a decision which the game then yelled at me for. Stupid game. Mr Woofypants must LIVE!

Speaking of live, I got a wirless router t'other day and am now online. Go me. My connection is pretty awful, but it works well enough for me to download some trial games and some free DLC for Fable.

Also, you'll have noticed the new layout. Mmm, coffee-coloured...

Next time, Portal, y'all!

eXtreme game-fest

Several things have happened over the past week. For one I am no longer a Wii owner (technically). I am however, now an XBox 360 owner, which explains the lack of updates.

Fable 2 came with the console, and I've been playing that quite a lot. First impressions are good, but it's a little repetative and doesn't know where its head is at most of the time. I also got given Web of Shadows by a friend as a birthday present, which is also good, if not a little dull at times.

I've become a real achievement junkie, fufilling certain criteria just to get them. I like the ahievements system it's a good little meta-aspect to the games which makes it feel more connected to the console. I like the dashboard as well, which is a lot friendly than the Wii menu screen. The avatars aren't too bad either. They have arms. Go them.

I have yet to get online because the wireless router costs an absolute fortune, so that's a bit of a kick in the dental region, but I'll be getting one soon enough. I'm not so much looking forward to the multiplayer as I am to getting DLC, demos, and other such things.

I've also played a bit of GTA4, which is fun, although turning a corner at speed usually results in me slamming into garbage truck, then getting jammed in an alley way. Joy. But overall, it's a laugh. Although I can't understand a word Little Jacob is saying...

Right. I've already wasted valuable gaming time, so I'll see y'all mid-week some time, when I'll be speaking about Fable 2 some more, and the problems I'm having with Portal. Oh and one last thing, thank you to Richard from PC Zone magazine for the kind words and so forth. I WILL be getting the next issue via the internet =)

Stay frosty y'all.

In the Zone

Okay firt off, I really the following story is both dull and makes me out to be a really geek, which I guess is technically accurate, but the the hey.

Anyone who plays Battlefield Heroes will know about outfits, but for anyone who does not yet play (WHICH YOU SHOULD cause it's free) they are essentially different items of clothing you must pay real money for, but don't actually provide any gaming upgrade. Now I'm not rich enough or stupid enough to actually fork out any money to buy the clothes, because that would be a) a waste of money I don't have and b) just too damn sad for someone as cool as myself.

But.

When I went onto the BFH site t'other day, I accidentally stumbled on this little gem of info, which was about how to get a rather cool outfit, permenantly, for free. Well sort of. The codes to get the outfit were contained inside copies of PC Zone, a magazine which I don't think I'd ever actually heard of prior to this point. So I decide I would go out and invest in one of those magazines, not just for the code, but also because it'd probably come with one of those free DVDs full of stuff.

The amount of effort I had to put in just to get that damn magazine completely outweighs the boots and trouser and DVD and strange magazine I got from it. PC Zone despite being, and I quote "Britain's Best PC Games Mag" is not sold in any of the several news agents on my high streeet, nor the supermarket, nor a service station on the M5, nor a Tesco's in Norfolk. In fact the only place that actually sold it was a WH Smiths in Bluewater, which, I point out, is miles from my home. Ultimately it was a lot of effort and an expensive magazine, although I'd imagine double sided DVDs cost a lot to produce.

But I won in the end. I got the first part of my outfit (which, incidentally I won't finish until I've started at uni) an "intresting" magazine and a disk full of freeware games (which is good because I've yet to come across a freeware game I didn't like).

Well, I'm going to bed. And as it goes, I'm eighteen years old in 11 minutes. Go figure.
G'night y'all =)

Too late for me to think of a title

Oh, aren't late night blogs fun?

Answer; No, they aren't. I need to keep this up to date. Grr.

I've been watching too much Chuck tan is healthy for me recently on the magical device we call the Internet. Apart from having a few plot holes here and there, it's a pretty good show, with a nice mix of comedy and action. Oh and Yvonne Strahovski is hawt, so you know, that's cool.

I have also been going to the gym a lot because I've paid 30 pounds to join for a month, which might seem odd, but I'm going off to Uni in September, meaning a year membership would be pointless. TO make the most of it I've been every day this week, and it's cool, except it's REALLY HARD WORK. Which was to be expected, it's a gym, that's the point. It's also causing my old knee injury to act up, meaning I'm now walking like a arthritic tortoise again. Great.

I've been thinking about trying to change the layout of the blog. I like the colours on this one, but the column is just too narrow. There's masses of space on either side of the screen, I just wish I could use it. Any time I write more than say five long paragraphs, it stretches half way down the page, which I feel makes it less inviting to read. I'd much prefer a layout similar to this. Or possibly this.

And finally, the first of Tales of Monkey Island got released the other week, and there aren't words to describe how much I want it. Well there are, only I never bothered to learn them. ZING! Ahh, references. How I love 'em. Anyway, the point is, I can't get them. Well I can but it involves a terrible risk. See, the game requires a 2GHz processor, and mine is only 1.7... I've been through this before, but I don't want to buy it and then have it run like an arthritic tor- Oh wait, I already did that joke. Oh well. I guess I'll just get "The Dig" and pretend it's an episode of The X Files. In space.

I leave you with this, something, which if proven to be true, would make me cry tiny tears of joy. Don't hold me to that mind.

Machineguns, Shotguns and Bazookas, Oh My!

It's probably time I do a new post. It's been a while...

I tried Battlefield Heroes again, and by "tried again" I mean I've been playing it all week, but under the guise of a new character, the scruffy haired gunner Kaboomish. My commando was all uptight, and was called KnightHunter. Take a look.

Kaboomish just sounds awesome. Look at him. You know he's cool cause he's not wearing army uniform. Damn right.
So yeah after my previous post about how lame I am at Battlefield Heroes, I wasn't expecting anything different, just less invisibility. But as it turns out I'm much better at being a Gunner, probably because I requires a lot less skill, and more pointing the gun in a random direction and firing until whatever it is until it dies. I'm much better at that than all this aiming crap.

Playing a gunner is quite a different experience than being a commando. Mainly, you get to blow stuff up a lot more, with barrels or a bazooka. Tanks become a lot less daunting when you can take them out from afar with a rocket. I also get to use a shotgun, which is my "Weapon I Would Go For In Case Of Zombie Invasion", and I'm not too shabby with it, connection issues aside. I've been killing a lot more people, and coming last a lot less. More mid-table.

Driving vehicles is also much more fun, because when you jump out of the car/tank/plane, you actually have something to shoot people with, as opposed to a knife, which kinda sucks. The barrel is also a brilliant weapon for clearing capture points before attacking them, although I also use it as a parting gift for anybody who is killing me. I got the greatest kill on some guy who waved after shooting me, only to get blown up a second later. That'll learn you to taunt.

I've also been playing Cave Story, the freeware-to-WiiWare success story, but I'm gonna do a "Postcards from:" on that when I get a few more shots.

Until next time, keep on truckin', y'all.

Men in Tights, Pointless Updates, and Adventures in High Definition

Yeah, I could have updated yesterday. But I didn't just because I could. So there.

Ever since watching "Superman Returns", I'd been wondering about Superman films generally, and I remembered I actually have the original on my DVD shelf. So I put it in and watched it (as I believe is the current style). It wasn't too bad actually, apart from being INCREDIBLY camp. It's amazing how much of the dialogue was essentially stolen for "Superman Returns", although I guess it could be called a "reimagining". Also, Superman is the only film I've ever seen that sets up the plot of the sequel before establishing the plot of the actual film. KNEEL BEFORE ZOD, and so forth.

I bought the update for the iPod touch the other day, purely so I could get Rolando 2, which I have REALLY been looking forward to. But, because I only have an iPod touch, it's apparently my job to pay for the update. Grr. SO I bought it, but unfortunately I now don't have enough iTunes credit to buy the new Rolando, which sucks big time... So I now have the ability to copy and paste text, but no new game. I fail at everything =)

I've also been watching many a high definition video recently, just because the option is there and I've got the time to let it render, or buffer, or whatever. Videos on YouTube are quite good, especially Fallout 3, which is a noticeable improvment from all the blur you get on regular videos. The Simpsons looks very strange in HD, but the new intro sequence is cool. Unfortunately, I don't know anything about the specs of my screen so it could be a waste of time really... Meh.

Oh, I have the Determinance demo on my PC. I should really play it at some point...

Man Of Stale

11.34.

Wednesday.

Eyes blurry cause of lack of sleep. Probably need caffeine. Or Lucozade.

My hands smell of octopus. That's not a euphimism, I cooked octopus for dinner.

Just spent 2 hours of my life watchin' "Superman Returns". TWO HOURS. I ain't gettin' them back... Okay, okay, here's a quick summary of how that film goes;

Nothing happens for a hour and a half, then a coupla of action sequences happen, then Superman gets the crap kicked out of him, then nothing else happens, then the film ends.

Seriously, this film was ultimately the dullest superhero film I have ever seen. Superman Returns made Spiderman 3 look like The Dark Knight.

I am so very tired right now. Narg.

Come back later, me tired.

FYI I'm a (crap) Spy-per

I don't have much experience playing the Battlefield series, except when I used to play a lot of Medal of Honour at the Internet Cafe, since Battlefield gave me something else to suck at. I enjoyed it quite a lot as I liked using the different vehicles, mainly as offensive weapons. Like my patented "Kamikaze-Air-Bomb Attack", which maintained my perfectly balanced kill/death ratio for a while.

I'd been keeping half an eye on Battlefield Heroes, primarily because I'd been told it was built to run on low-end computers, which to me was a god-send. A laptop with 1.73 GHz can never be classed as a gaming PC. Fortunately, BH only requires 1GHz, so viva la download.

In case you were unawares, Battlefield Heroes is an EA "Play 4 Free" title, meaning the download is FREE, and playing the game is also FREE. The payment comes in the form of microtransactions for cunique clothing, so and so forth. Obviously you don't have to buy anything, so for people like me, it's free =)

After a few starting up issues (like not realising you had to create a character first, and not being able to find a server) I finally got into a real game. It's very hectic, especially at the start when everyone is slamming together in various vechicles, and some idiot decides the best way to get a capture point is to use a bomb on it. But it all works together quite well, despite the graphics not being up to much. Not that it really matters, because it isn't about the graphics at all.

I'd decided to take on the role of a commando, which is essentially a sniper-spy combo, being able to disappear, but also shoot people with a good ol' scoped rifle. It might just be my suckyness, but the knife really doesn't kill people the way you'd like it to. Meh. The sniping is good, especially from the top of a lighthouse. When you are invisible.

There's also a decent levels system where you go through ranks for kills and captures, which then leads to upgrades. It works well, and it's a nice little metagame aspect to it. It also gives you new abilities and access to new weapons, which is good in terms of variety in the long term.

Despite all the good things I've said, Battlefield Heroes probably isn't the game for me. Why? Because I absolutely suck at it. There aren't words to describe how god-awful I am at it. Seriously, there are people who can't even use a computer who are better at the game than me. I seriously am awful. I crashed a plane because I forgot to accelerate. It's hard to explain how bad I am, so here's a visual representation in the form of an Excel graph, an idea I in no way stole from Chris Livingston;



I awarded myself a coupla points there because I did get a few headshots in, but still, these were when I was hidden up a lighthouse, in stealth mode, whilst crouching.

I guess I could blame it on my dodgy web connection that lead me to be running into a wall more than once, but at the end of the day, I just plain suck at it. Oh well. That's not gonna stop me =D

Postcards from; Beneath A Steel Sky

Isn't it funny? I have all the free time in the world and yet I still can get around to doing my blog. Shucks.

I recently played and completed adventure game Beneath A Steel Sky, which is FREE on the SCUMM VM website (go and get SCUMM VM, it's really great if you have old adventure games). I'd never played BASS before, so I didn't particularly no what to expect... and now, after completing it, I don't really now what to say... so here are a series of screenshots with witty comments. Enjoy!

Hang around with dead people!

Bully depressed artistic types!

Learn about fish in some dead guy's apartment!

Pretend to be Dr. Manhattan in poorly decorated rooms!

Watch illegal surgery!

Get tentacle-raped!

Die of "zeta radiation poisoning"!

Oh yeah, and I also beat Day of the Tentacle. I didn't get any decent screenshots, but I think this one sums up the entire game. See ya at the weekend!

Looking to the future....

I was actually free yesterday evening, but I didn't feel like doing a blog. So there.

So I'm finally done with my secondary education. And now... three months of gaming, more or less. I was gonna call the whole thing "The SCUMMer of Xbox Live" but I realise that sound dumb. So instead here's a list of all the stuff that's coming up;

The Secret of Monkey Island
Monkey Island 2; LeChuck’s Revenge
The Curse of Monkey Island
Sam and Max Hit The Road
Cave Story
Fallout
Fallout 2
Fallout Brotherhood of Steel
Fallout 3 (when I get it)
Fable 2 (if I get it)
Super Mario Galaxy (with Luigi)
No More Heroes
House of The Dead; Overkill
Punchout!! (Maybe)
Zenonia (iPod RPG)
Darwinia
Uplink
Half Life 2 + Episodes
Portal
Team Fortress 2

Hellz yeah =)

Day of The Tentacle and Beneath a Steel Sky narrowly missed this list because I beat them yesterday and a few days ago respectively. That gives me something to talk about midweek then. And Zenonia =)

See y'all on the flipside.

Hardware Heartache

It has NOT been my weekend...

Apart from feeling physically lousy from hayfever, and mind numbingly bored from revision, all my tech stuff has been going to pieces recently.

My iPod was crapping out on me all over the places yesterday evening. I couldn't establish a connection at all, although it turned out that the wireless router wasn't working, so I reset that. Then Twitterrific stopped working, which sucked, so I deleted it and reinstalled it, and it kept telling me I was entering it wrong... *breath in* Then I uninstalled it again, and went to reinstall it, and I saw it had caught something called the Twitpocalypse bug, which I assumed was bad, so I got annoyed and put my iPod away.

Today, perusing the Interweb, I found this article on engadget, rumouring the "new" Xbox, with Natal being the corner stone of its tech. I was in response to an article from 1UP, who seemed pretty damn confident, despite not actually citing any sources. This gives me mixed views. As is probably clear now, I am in the (long, drawn-out) process of buying an Xbox 360, and I don't want it to become last generation a year after I get it. Recently, I read somewhere that Xbox was going for a 10-year life cycle, which is neat, but it would really annoy me if it did become slightly outdated... Some how, I think this isn't the case. It doesn't seem like Microsoft's style...

Wii HD may be a reality in 2010, according to this pre-E3 news article on Gamespot. Again, mixed feelings. It links into a What They Play article from last year, which suggests Wii HD is a brand new console. That'd really piss me off. I've had a Wii from the very start... I'd prefer it if the Wii HD was some kind of add-on to the existing console... I don't see Nintendo killing off their golden goose though. According to the Gamespot article, there won't be any new consoles till around 2013. Works for me.

But the biggest annoyance for me was finally learning about what the iPhone 3GS was/is. I don't have an iPhone and I particularly wan one. I don't understand what tethering is. I do, however, have an iPod Touch, which is essentially an iPhone without a phone and a camera. And mobile internet. This latest development means something quite important. Because this new iPhone has a better processor (insert long string of numbers and letters as appropriate) it means it can handle better games, in terms of visuals and gameplay. I'm really tired of the iPod Touch playing second fiddle to the iPhone. Okay so it's not as good, I get that. But Apple need to give it some love. The new software is out on the 17th of June, and I'm probably gonna buy it. Don't know what it will do though. I'll check before hand to see if it's worth it.
If Apple released a new iPod Touch with, for example, a camera and a better processor I might buy it. My iPod Touch has had a pretty good run of it... Meh. I'll play it as it comes.

This is me signing off. I won't be doing a blog on Wednesday, because I have three exams this week, and I'd like to ace them, please. I'm not sure I'll manage one on Saturday either, since I'm at a wedding, but it's worth a try.

This has been the blog post that I've done the most research for. Good for me.

Peace out y'all.

Tin Men of the Apocalypse

Since we last spoke, I've done too much revision, watched the lame last episode of Ashes To Ashes, got a week ahead on The Mentalist, beaten Super Mario 64 DS with minimum everything in three days, completed MGST, missed the season finale of Smallville, flunked my psychology exam, considered buying Fallout 3, watched a lot of Fallout 3 videos....



And I've seen Terminator Salvation. Oh yes.



I really don't know how to feel about it. I really wanted to hate it, I really did, but it was kinda alright... Marcus Wright was a very good character. The first half of the film mainly centres around him, which is good. In fact, it would have been better if that's who the film was about. John Connor's plight is boring, and he spends the entire film yelling at people for not listening to him. On the other hand, Marcus Wright has actual character development. Oh and he's a robot. So you know, he's awesome. When I was watching it, so many moments reminded me of games. The whole look of it was very Fallout 3, with maybe a touch of Half Life 2. Actually there's a moment in the film which is very much like this part of Concerned, the excellent Half Life 2 comic by Chris Livingstone. If you've seen the film, you know what I'm talking about =)

Terminator Salvation isn't a bad film. It's not brilliant, and it's lacking something, but I'm not sure what. I think they are making a sequel and it might have Robert Patrick in it, which can really only be a brilliant thing.

Stay awesome, y'all

Quest Completed; Rolando

Warning, may contain spoilers.

Made available on the App Store towards the end of 2008, Rolando remains one of the best games on the platform. A physics-based platformer, the aim of game is to guide your "Rolandos" to the end-of-level gate, avoiding the numerous pitfalls and enemies along the way. The control scheme is simple yet incredibly effective. You select a Rolando by tapping it, then tilt the iPod left or right to move them in the desired direction. You can drag a box around more than one to move them as a group, and simply swipe upwards anywhere on the screen. If a Rolando is unselected, then it does not move when the iPod is tilted, meaning your work will not fall apart with one wrong tilt.

The story in Rolando may not be the most important aspect, but it works none the less. Rolando Central is under attack, and you, the Almighty Finger, must help the Rolandos back to the Sages to save them. Surprisingly, they've alreadt been kidnapped, so the Rolandos must enter Shadow Valley in an attempt to find them. It's not threatening Half Life 2's storytelling crown, but it's a nice addition.

There are four separate worlds in game, each containing nine levels, making a total of 36 individual levels. The first world is a good introduction to the game, introducing the different kinds of mission you can expect. The second world adds more puzzle elements, such as the use of bombs, lift and catapults. The third world sees you drawing paths to reach the end of the level, and the final world has you charging through enemy territory to defeat your foe. Each world has a distinct visual style, all of which are charming to look at, as well as being practical for game play.

Whilst ngmoco have included different kinds of Rolando, such as the King and Queen, who must be pushed around the level, or the Prince, who rolls in a given direction until bumping into something, you feel others could have been included to mix up game play. An example could be a Rolando that could survive in hazardous materials, like lava or acid. This lack of variety in Rolandos means that you'll find yourself doing a similar set of missions in each world. It's not noticeable enough to ruin the fun, but sometimes the "escorting the King" missions get slightly tedious.

Throughout Rolando, I had a great time playing the game. Each level presents a new challenge, and you really beginning to get attached to the different Rolandos. It might just be my weird attachment to game characters, but I hated letting any of the little guys get killed. Sometimes I would restart a level just so I could get them all through safely. But ultimately, Rolando let me down at the last fence. As I approached the final level, I couldn't help wondering how the game would wrap itself up. I couldn't see there being a conventional boss fight, since the game isn't focused on combat. But unfortunately, there was a sort of boss fight, with some simple platforming elements. It was a relatively easy level and felt like a slightly weak finish. It didn't ruin the game, but just made the ending seem a little less special.

Finally, Rolando has heaps of replay-ability. Each level has three medals, one for saving all Rolandos, one for beating the level within the time limit and one for getting all the hidden diamonds. These mean you will be coming back for more on each level, to see if you can beat the game fully. On top of this, ngmoco are releasing regular level updates until this summer, meaning you won't be short of a challenge for long.

If you have an iPod Touch, this is a must-have, whether you be a serious or casual gamer, and is a great cheap buy, especially considering the sequel is released this summer. Rolando may just turn out to be the iPod's killer franchise.

Rolando