Going through the Motions

E3. Every year we get together on the internet to watch the press conferences, and every year we are disappointed. Except we weren't this year! Well, except Nintendo.

As is the norm on the net, I'll whiz through each conference and what I thought of it.

Microsoft; Almost bloody missed this thanks to Gamespot's live feed... Which would have been lame. But Microsoft was good. Actually that's a lie, it was the best of all three. It had Beatles which the other two couldn't top. Both Tony Hawk and Modern Warfare don't particularly interest me, but Final Fantasy XIII did. Weird since I left that franchise after the problems I had with X-2. I think that's where FF lost it's way. Shadow Complex = yes. Joyride = meh. Left 4 Dead 2 shocked me, very fast sequel release. Splinter Cell looked good, but I wouldn't buy it. Forza 2 is a racing game, next. Halo ODST looks pretty generic, Reach interested be cause I read the book. Alan Wake = looks interesting. Facebook and Twitter on the 360 isn't really surprising. MGS Rising on the other hand is. Awesome. In my opinion, stuff like Project Natal is the future. I was honestly amazed by the menu scrolling crap. Milo is PROBABLY not that good, but it doesn't matter. Microsoft Conference = good.

Nintendo; Missed both the beginning and the middle of this, but I'm caught up now, and this had a rising scale of interest. New Super Mario Bros. Wii will be really popular, but also lame. Wii Fit Plus must have pissed off a lot of people. We saw Wii Sports Resort last year, altough I like the idea of the island becoming a constant thing. Crystal Bearers looks quite interesting, may investigate further. I'm sure that Bowser's Inside Story wasn't news. Explain what kind police force offers jobs to criminals, I said as COP appeared. User generated content rears its head on the DSi, as well as Facebook. Damn. Oh yay, Spirit Tracks, again. Iwata, in my opinion talks too much about too little. I'm copyrighting the idea for using the Vitality Sensor in some survival horror game. Also, it's a downright stupid idea. That's it Nintendo, I'm leavi- OMG SUPER MARIO GALAXY 2! But seriously, that's cool. Yoshi in 3D. The Conduit = meh. Darkside = weird camera. Dead Space = hmmm. I don't even like Metroid that much, but Other M looks sweet. Eat lazer beem, spaze dragon! Boring press conference, too many numbers, some interesting things.

Sony; First off, I hate the guy who presents this, Jack Something. He always seems really smug. But this wasn't a bad conference... Just it wasn't good either. The flashy intro sequence was TACKY as hell. Lots and lots of numbers. Hooray for stats. Uncharted 2 looked nice, and the sidekick was English, which made it go up in my ratings. The game then dropped when the idiot main character said "We could have been in that!" refering to a collapsing building. Idiot. MAG again, oh fantastic. Nobody cares! PSP things feels a little ironic when UMD has failed epically... But I still want one. SenseMe... So it's Genius then. If I had lots of money, I'd get a PSP Go... Grand Turismo PSP... Is a racing game... Which I have nothing to say about. Hideo Kojima making another MGS game, unsurprisingly... with millions of Snakes. Not for Indy then. RE; Portable... Great, another game I can't get. Lots of PSP games coming out. You know, there was two many montages. No-one else did montages. Last year Sony used LittleBigPlanet for a presentation, this year... MONTAGE! Agent appears... for three seconds. Assassin's Creed 2 looks pretty much exactly the same with more flying. I'm playin' dat. Final Fantasy XIII again, and suddenly, Final Fantasy XIV! Gasp! The guy unvailing the new EyeToy thing was as nervous as hell. Probably because he realised he was just combining the Wii with Project Natal. Modnation looked dull. I really hope The Last Guardian is some EPIC pet sim of your crow-dog. GT5 is visually spot on. GoW3, despite what the guy says, bears no resembelance to real Greek mythology. LONG press conference. Completely irrelevant for me.

Two words sum up the conferences; motion control. Apparently it's the future. SURPRISE.

Good night y'all.

Zuvembies! Also Zelda, but shhhh...

In two days, I watched two videos about Resident Evil 5. I don't really care about Resident Evil as a series, mainly due to;

a) Lack of a games console till I was about 13

b) Incredibly strict parents who wouldn't be too keen on me playing a game where you butcher innocent(ish) zombies


But I kinda followed Resident Evil 5, and not just because of the racism. Well, partly cause of the racism, but also because my gaming colleague Oisin said he really enjoyed Resi 4. That and zombies. Unless they aren't zombies, although I say that the zombies from R4 are zombies. Go look at a dictionary. Grr.

But R5 seems alright. I cannot for the life of me understand why Chris Redfield has such MASSIVE arms. If they were any bigger, he'd need scaffolding for them. Also, why doesn't he get a new job? They always moan about "Oh why do we always fight zombies blah blah blah". Have we ever seen them do anything else? No. So I vote Chris and everyone else go and take early retirement in Florida. The end.

It's GDC at the moment, which I believe stands for Game Developer's Convention, and BIG NEWS! There's a new Zelda game (honest to God, I've only done three blogs and they've all been about Zelda... I guess that means more hits for me hopefully...) called The Legend of Zelda; Spirit Tracks, and it's about trains...

Yeah trains...
Link is wearing a train driver's outfit and seen handing a message to Zelda, leading me to three conclusions;

a) This game is set before Wind Waker, due to the presence of Zelda and amount of land
b) Your role in this game; messenger. The Legend of Zelda; Mail Clerk anyone?
c) The next game will be LoZ; Ghostly Balloon and will involve firing a cannon off a blimp

And finally I leave you with this thought;

Gamer 1; D'ya wanna play Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix?

Gamer 2; No.

Gamer 1; Well, wasted my breath then.