Life is one big RPG...

Or so it would seem that way. It's all about the upgrades, people!

Finally. Finally, after literally years of complaining, I am upgrading my laptop. Yeah, the E System 3115 with it's 1.73Ghz processor, 1MB of memory and 80GB of hard drive has served me well enough in the past (ignoring the problems with Portal and Time Gentlemen, Please) but now I'm moving on up.

THIS is the laptop I'm getting, although, technically it's not, sort of making that link pointless. Whilst it's still the Acer 5738, it's got a 320GB hard drive instead of 250GB, and actually has real graphics card (the main reason I like it). It's also got an AMD Athelon processor (I think) which only runs at 2.0Ghz, but I'm perfectly happy with that. Oh and it's rocking up Windows 7, which honestly isn't a big deal for me, although apparently it can give me 15% more battery life, although I have absolutely no idea how.

So there we go. I should be getting it sometime around next week, so The Toaster isn't finished yet, it's still got some time left before I sell it to someone, then run off laughing about it.

On a similar vein, I've been getting excited about Torchlight, which I can honestly admit I only found out about three or four days ago from the Steam frontpage. It's sort of Diablo-esque click-a-thon, probably because it was made by a load of the guys who did the first two Diablos. I don't know what interested me about it, but it's a low-spec game, with an cool gameplay idea (procedurally-generated-item-collecting-dungeon-crawler-with-a-wolf-sidekick), and I've downloaded the demo. I'll be honest, it doesn't run as well as I'd hope, so I may need to get a laptop... HEY. I just realised...

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a full circle.

The other day I bought EDGE. I've given up all hope.

See y'all in the Dungeons!

Size Matters

God bless Steam and its digital distribution prowess. We all love 'em.

T'other day, I was perusing the virtual shop of Indie games, and my eyes came to rest on "The Wonderful End of The World", created by Dejobaan Games (bringing you quality video games for over 75 years).

I've been interested in DG for a while now, ever since I heard about the ridiculously named "AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! -- A Reckless Disregard for Gravity", and when I checked out their site, I found myself enthralled by the concept of TWEOTW (great acronym by the way)

The backstory to the game, as taken from their website, is as follows; "A joyous trek around the Earth to gather everything you can before it's eaten by a giant fish head".

Yeah...

So the basic premise of the game is this; go around and pick up as much stuff in the level as you can. The challenge comes from your size. You see, your character is made up from the items you collect within the level, and the more items you collect, the larger you grow. This allows you to collect larger items, and as a result, grow taller, and then you can... you see where I'm going with this.

I really like TWEOTW. The art is well done and works well. There's a diverse range of levels, each with individual jokes in them. The props in game are all used in multiple levels, but the effect works well. The music is a real stand-out point for me, it sounds brilliant. Each of the levels has it's own unique track and they are all perfectly suited to their level.

TWEOTW came out in 2007, and it's taken me this long to get around it. Next week I'll be bringing you breaking up to date news about Skullmonkeys.

See y'a- WAIT!

I conducted an interview with the guys from Mode 7 Games the other day, and it's now up on The Newb Review. Check it out here, why not?

See y'all on the new homeworld!

Border-Line Psychopath

ShackNews has no function to embed video into your own site. How utterly strange.





Borderlands is a game I really want, and as per usual I have no idea why. It's like Fallout 3. I couldn't care less about it then suddenly BAM. I want it so bad.

The general consensus on the net seems to be this; good, a few flaws, but I'm still playing it. The RPG elements have been slightly criticized, but the art style and the co-op aspects have been praised. I, for one, like both the art style and the range of characters. I'll probably play as the soldier, because shotguns are clearly the most superior weapons. Ever. So here's hoping for a shotgun that fires lazer-grenades. Oh man that'd be so damn awesome.

So yeah, I'll probably get Borderlands for Christmas once the hype has died down and some of the DLC has been released. Fun times.

On an entirely unrelated note I got X-Men Origins: Wolverine on DVD today. Fun fact; it comes with an easy-to-obtain digital copy on the disk, which I will put onto my iPod very soon. But more importantly...




And with that thought children, I'm gonna leave y'all to the wolves.

Ich bin ein PSP owner

Well sort of. I have one on me. It's just not technically mine.

But first to business! This late blog comes to you courtesy of a shoddy internet connection and several coughing fits. And also my lectures. Those take up lots of time.

Went home at the weekend, on a rather long train journey. I started to fall asleep towards the end, so I played a little CivRev on my iPod. Nothing makes a train journey more exciting than dropping a nuclear ICMB on Paris. Except nachos. Nachos make anything more exciting.

At home, I actually ended up playing no Fallout 3, a fact that surprised me most of all. Instead I recompleted Shadow Complex with all of the items collected (for no real reason) and also played a little bit of Halo 3. Halo 3 is okay, but a tad dull at times. I really should have adjusted the controls because they felt way too sensitive.

I also watched a lot of The Simpsons Season 11, because my parents gave it to me as sort of a well-done-for-surviving-one-month-at-uni-without-resorting-to-theft. I think I deserved that one. I haven't stolen anyone's milk. Yet.

I also missed out on the oppotunity to get StarCraft for £10. This is because I am an idiot. Learn from my mistake, children.

But to the crux of the matter ; das PSP. Although I've yet to take the plunge and actually buy one (with all that money I don't have) I have borrowed one off of my neighbour, who got it a few years ago but never played it.
I've been playing a bit of God of War; Chains Of Olympus, which is fun but fairly tedious. Although I got to fight the bastard offspring of the Cloverfield monster and a dragon. Can't complain...

Right, gotta sleep. Oh an speaking of Shadow Complex... GO!

A Time for the Signs

I don't think I should feel bad about paying such a small amount for a game.

I mean the reason that I only paid a dollar was that I figured it would be in pounds anyway so I could tell exactly how much I was paying. But it wasn't so a pound seemed like a round amount.

World of Goo. It's an incredibly popular game on both the PC and the Wii (and I also hear rumours of an iPod version), and to celebrate its first birthday, the game's designers 2dboy decide to do one of those "pay what you feel like" events that have been gaining in popularity recently. I thought it was a sweet deal, because WoG costs 17 quid on Steam, and I can't afford that in a reccession.

This made me laugh way more than it should have

A physics based puzzler, WoG presents you with a crazy world, filled strange globs of goo that can stick together to form different shapes. The goal in each level is to reach the pipe, which carries the blobs of gunk off to the shadowy "World of Goo" corporation. The story progresses in the form of short cutscenes, which give away small bits of the background story, although still enough to keep you in the dark (or should that be goo?)


That's one of the things I like most about WoG; the shadowy coporation behind the whole set up of the game. I've just finished Chapter 2, and I sort of think I know what's going on, but the story is very well laid out. The signs left about by the Signpainter are a genius touch, giving you a different angle on the event unfolding around you. The art style is also fantastic, and works with the gameplay so brilliantly, I almost fell over. Oh, and it runs well on The Toaster, which is good.

This is a weird sentence. However, this cutscene had brilliant music (which obviously you can't hear)

So, World of Goo. It can be very cheap now, if you want it to be. It can also be ridiculously expensive, but I don't see anyone paying a million dollars for it. Although that would be fantastic if somebody did. 2dboy would go on forever with that backing.

Next time, on The Starting Village...

Edd returns home and re-discovers the 360!

Aliens get shot at in slow-motion in all new Fallout 3 DLC!

And Edd wishes he had a decent game to play on the train ride to London!

All this, and perhaps more, in the next exciting installment of The Starting Village!

Here Be Dragons...

I dunno. Dragon Age Origins seems okay. I've got a real craving for open-worlds with lots to do in 'em at the moment.
The video slightly pushed me more towards buying it. Apparently obese multi-breasted tentacle monsters sell. Shocking development.

I'm still undecided on the PSP. If I get it, I have to regulate myself. Only in the evenings, after some study. And maybe at weekends. And sometimes over breakfast. And maybe take it to a couple of lectures... Ah.

Okay then. I may (read; slight chance) be putting another video up next weekend, this time featuring me and the other Midnight Marathoners. Crash 3 seems like a good choice. Stay tuned for more on that.

Finally, let's all check out The Newb Review. Because we're not all hardcore.

Stay alert and watchful, y'all.

On PSPs and Podcasts...

Fresh from killing thousands upon thousands of mean in pink sweaters wielding baseball bats, it's me with...

The mid-week blog, here at The Starting Village.

The PSPGo! has been released and the entire gaming community has replied with a monumental "Who cares?" I actually saw one today. It's amzing how a) much it looks like an iPhone and b) crap it looks. But more to the point I've been thinking about getting a PSP 3000. Now that the new version is out, retailers have reduced the prices of the older models, so now seems like an apt time to buy. There are a variety of games on the PSP that I'm interested in, ranging from the older games (such as Daxter and the Ratchet and Clank games) to some of the newer releases (like Monster Hunter Freedom Unite, or Dissidia), so it's not like I wouldn't have a variety of stuff to play. As I student I really shouldn't but I did make a lot of money selling old games on eBay... World of Warcraft's sacrifice will not be in VAIN!

I've also been looking into making a podcast with gaming cohort of mine, Robert Akehurst. We've talked about a lot in the past and it's something that could be a bit of a laugh to do. We don't actually live near enough to each other to feasibley commute ever other week so we are looking into doing it over Skype. It does mean I have to buy a microphone, but I should probably get one anyway. You know, for all that microphoning that needs doing. So yes, stay tuned for more on that. I still gotta think of a name.

Finally, I just recieved Crash Bandicoot 3 in the post and it doesn't work. GOD DAMN IT. If I had a PSP, this wouldn't be a problem... mutter mutter mutter.

See y'all in the future!

Midnight Marathon; CTR

The following is the so-called minutes of a marathon session of CTR. Me and roomates Rowan and Tom set out with goal to beat the game 100% (yes, we know it's 101%) in one single play through. These minutes chronicle this, and also the decaying state of our mental faculties throughout the night. Enjoy!

9.40; Starting from new, using Crash as he’s the only character well balanced enough
10.00 Edd has first go.
10.01; Edd walks off in huff
10.02; Rowan does time trial perfectly
10.10; Rowan finishes first pack of biscuits
10.30 Rowan defeats first boss Ripper Roo, considers that Roo’s Tubes may be an entendre
10.40; Tom calls Coco a “blonde bitch”
10.45; Edd celebrates very easy win. Probably the only of the night.
10.50; Unlocked new world, completely owned first
10.55; Tom offer Papu-Papu victory cake
10.57; Papu-Papu gets no cake.
11.03; Rowan and Edd astounded by Tom’s shortcut genius; both in-game and real life
11.06; Edd thinks that the piranha plants are a Mario rip-off
11.08; Memory card issues are a bitch
11.16; We all buy Crash 3. Go platformer games
11.18; Tom forgets he is doing a CTR collection. Panicked collecting follows
11.19; Tom wins, because he is inhumanely good at this
11.29; Break for pasta
11.54; Game starts again, Edd has started drinking coke from a mug.
11.55; Tom hits a seal
00.01; We discuss how Sonic sucks now.
00.02; Tom comes dangerously close to losing. I mean only like a three second lead.
00.05; Komodo Joe, according to Tom is “a little wankstain”
00.06; Tom wins. Komodo Joe commits ritual suicide. Probably
00.15; Edd is stunned that there was a PS1 game called CyberTiger
00.20; Tom has yet another go at Coco, calling her a slut this time. Some issues there.
00.23; There are 7 games in a series called Every Child Can Suceed. The world is strange.
00.32; Tom achieves platinum, we rejoice with claps and well dones
00.41; No-one can pronounce Kristen Kreuke’s name
00.42; Dead or Alive breast discussions
00.46; Tom lists the average contents of a toilet. He’s maddened, apparently01.02; hulabooga
01.03; Pinstripe is, apparently, a potoroo.
01.08; Pinstripe has an unnecessarily long course
01.11; Pinstripe can go to hell.
01.12; CTR probably had a lot of extra memory space...
01.14; “A Faceful of TNT” sounds like a great album title
01.19; Tom; “It’s ass-kicking time”
01.20; Manure to butter alchemy riles everyone
01.24; Crash Bandicoot... IN SPACE!
01.27; A fall into the void causes a loud WHAT? from Tom
01.34; WHERE’S THE TEA?
01.36; Rowan is mentally deficient in some way. His words
01.40; Third memory card fail of the evening, fixed by blow job
01.43; Edd needs to relieve himself – thus Rowan is in charge of minutes
01.44; Very slow save of our minutes
01.45; Edd walks into door in attempt to prove his existence
01.47; We finally resort to “your mum” insults
01.48; ...shortly followed by gangsta talking, bra
01.50; We suddenly realise what we are doing with our lives.
01.51; Tom establish command as head gamer
01.56; The French for “warp orbs” is “boules de teleportation”. Just in case you were interested.
01.58; Rowan is official off his tits on sleep deprivation
02.00; 88%
02.01; Tom stops for toilet break; imprint in bed is left
02.05; Rowan has lost all mental reasoning. However, can still make self-scathing jokes.
02.10; Tom threatens an endangered species. He is now a man.
02.16; What’s in those nitro crates anyway?
02.20; Tom takes all the harsh comments back when he sees Coco’s new design
02.21; She’s still a slut though.
02.28; Silence
02.30; Tom Trehearn is... THE WALL RIDER.
02.36; Edd has a dressing gown on now.
02.43; Playing pranks on flatmates passes the time.
02.45; Where are the teams?
02.53; Excellent recovery by Tom, from 8th to 1st. He’s still playing by the way.
02.58; Missle is too negative, try rocket instead.
02.59; Tom is taking on all the bosses at once.
03.02; Talk of characters knifing each other illustrates our mental state
03.07; Eye of the Tiger. It’s about damn time.
03.08; Tom can do a handbrake turn in CTR. The world is still strange.
03.10; Memory card fails for the fourth time
03.14; Two platinum relics, and Tom is ready for N. Oxide...
03.15; 97%
03.19; Final boss = surprisingly tough...
03.20; AND THAT’S THE GAME!
03.21; Credits have never tasted so sweet.
03.24; Credits, now with political satire!
03.27; Thanks to Tom’s tireless tire-burning tricks, CTR has been bested. GOODNIGHT!

Track, Bash, Do it Again...

Coming to you live from a creaky office chair next to a window overlooking a poorly tended lawn it's...

The Starting Village (DUN DUN DUN!)

Two games have been taking up my time. I shall now divulge information about them, before my extraction team turns up.

Trackmania Nations Forever, which is like the shorter, slower, less attractive brother of Trackmania United Forever. TNF is free, and generally fun, and as I said before, I've yet to come across a free game that I didn't like. Although...

You see, when I started playing TNF, I really enjoyed it, having to improve my time a desperately shaving off extra points to try and beat the gold ghost. But around the mid-difficulty level, the races suddenly become impossible. Jumps that have to be hit at exactly full speed and at just the right place with incredibley twist run ups mire your enjoyment of the game. Stupid camera shifts and split second timing make the gravity-defying tracks a nightmare. When I was struggling to beat the bronze medal, I just quit and gave up. The point is, the tracks get TOO stupid. Loop-the-loops I can handle. 180 sideways twist can suck a rock.

Crash Bash. It's like Mario Party... But with Crash. So Crash Party. My flatmate has a PS2 and Crash Bash is one of two multiplaer games that I'd play (note; the other is CTR, so there we go). It's amazing how many swears you get from playing this game. Some of the goal defending levels are piss-takingly difficult, and the ones where you play off a handicap are so amazingly nerve-testing. It's also fun to play because of the chunky graphics. I've always found it weird how we never really saw the blocks at the time, we just thought the graphics were awesome. I'm not saying I don't like them mind. Being retroactively critical is unneccesary.

Also, BFH, but I don't need to talk about that again, do I?

Aha, bow before my jetpack-and-armour might!

See y'all at the finish line!