FYI I'm a (crap) Spy-per

I don't have much experience playing the Battlefield series, except when I used to play a lot of Medal of Honour at the Internet Cafe, since Battlefield gave me something else to suck at. I enjoyed it quite a lot as I liked using the different vehicles, mainly as offensive weapons. Like my patented "Kamikaze-Air-Bomb Attack", which maintained my perfectly balanced kill/death ratio for a while.

I'd been keeping half an eye on Battlefield Heroes, primarily because I'd been told it was built to run on low-end computers, which to me was a god-send. A laptop with 1.73 GHz can never be classed as a gaming PC. Fortunately, BH only requires 1GHz, so viva la download.

In case you were unawares, Battlefield Heroes is an EA "Play 4 Free" title, meaning the download is FREE, and playing the game is also FREE. The payment comes in the form of microtransactions for cunique clothing, so and so forth. Obviously you don't have to buy anything, so for people like me, it's free =)

After a few starting up issues (like not realising you had to create a character first, and not being able to find a server) I finally got into a real game. It's very hectic, especially at the start when everyone is slamming together in various vechicles, and some idiot decides the best way to get a capture point is to use a bomb on it. But it all works together quite well, despite the graphics not being up to much. Not that it really matters, because it isn't about the graphics at all.

I'd decided to take on the role of a commando, which is essentially a sniper-spy combo, being able to disappear, but also shoot people with a good ol' scoped rifle. It might just be my suckyness, but the knife really doesn't kill people the way you'd like it to. Meh. The sniping is good, especially from the top of a lighthouse. When you are invisible.

There's also a decent levels system where you go through ranks for kills and captures, which then leads to upgrades. It works well, and it's a nice little metagame aspect to it. It also gives you new abilities and access to new weapons, which is good in terms of variety in the long term.

Despite all the good things I've said, Battlefield Heroes probably isn't the game for me. Why? Because I absolutely suck at it. There aren't words to describe how god-awful I am at it. Seriously, there are people who can't even use a computer who are better at the game than me. I seriously am awful. I crashed a plane because I forgot to accelerate. It's hard to explain how bad I am, so here's a visual representation in the form of an Excel graph, an idea I in no way stole from Chris Livingston;



I awarded myself a coupla points there because I did get a few headshots in, but still, these were when I was hidden up a lighthouse, in stealth mode, whilst crouching.

I guess I could blame it on my dodgy web connection that lead me to be running into a wall more than once, but at the end of the day, I just plain suck at it. Oh well. That's not gonna stop me =D

Postcards from; Beneath A Steel Sky

Isn't it funny? I have all the free time in the world and yet I still can get around to doing my blog. Shucks.

I recently played and completed adventure game Beneath A Steel Sky, which is FREE on the SCUMM VM website (go and get SCUMM VM, it's really great if you have old adventure games). I'd never played BASS before, so I didn't particularly no what to expect... and now, after completing it, I don't really now what to say... so here are a series of screenshots with witty comments. Enjoy!

Hang around with dead people!

Bully depressed artistic types!

Learn about fish in some dead guy's apartment!

Pretend to be Dr. Manhattan in poorly decorated rooms!

Watch illegal surgery!

Get tentacle-raped!

Die of "zeta radiation poisoning"!

Oh yeah, and I also beat Day of the Tentacle. I didn't get any decent screenshots, but I think this one sums up the entire game. See ya at the weekend!

Looking to the future....

I was actually free yesterday evening, but I didn't feel like doing a blog. So there.

So I'm finally done with my secondary education. And now... three months of gaming, more or less. I was gonna call the whole thing "The SCUMMer of Xbox Live" but I realise that sound dumb. So instead here's a list of all the stuff that's coming up;

The Secret of Monkey Island
Monkey Island 2; LeChuck’s Revenge
The Curse of Monkey Island
Sam and Max Hit The Road
Cave Story
Fallout
Fallout 2
Fallout Brotherhood of Steel
Fallout 3 (when I get it)
Fable 2 (if I get it)
Super Mario Galaxy (with Luigi)
No More Heroes
House of The Dead; Overkill
Punchout!! (Maybe)
Zenonia (iPod RPG)
Darwinia
Uplink
Half Life 2 + Episodes
Portal
Team Fortress 2

Hellz yeah =)

Day of The Tentacle and Beneath a Steel Sky narrowly missed this list because I beat them yesterday and a few days ago respectively. That gives me something to talk about midweek then. And Zenonia =)

See y'all on the flipside.

Hardware Heartache

It has NOT been my weekend...

Apart from feeling physically lousy from hayfever, and mind numbingly bored from revision, all my tech stuff has been going to pieces recently.

My iPod was crapping out on me all over the places yesterday evening. I couldn't establish a connection at all, although it turned out that the wireless router wasn't working, so I reset that. Then Twitterrific stopped working, which sucked, so I deleted it and reinstalled it, and it kept telling me I was entering it wrong... *breath in* Then I uninstalled it again, and went to reinstall it, and I saw it had caught something called the Twitpocalypse bug, which I assumed was bad, so I got annoyed and put my iPod away.

Today, perusing the Interweb, I found this article on engadget, rumouring the "new" Xbox, with Natal being the corner stone of its tech. I was in response to an article from 1UP, who seemed pretty damn confident, despite not actually citing any sources. This gives me mixed views. As is probably clear now, I am in the (long, drawn-out) process of buying an Xbox 360, and I don't want it to become last generation a year after I get it. Recently, I read somewhere that Xbox was going for a 10-year life cycle, which is neat, but it would really annoy me if it did become slightly outdated... Some how, I think this isn't the case. It doesn't seem like Microsoft's style...

Wii HD may be a reality in 2010, according to this pre-E3 news article on Gamespot. Again, mixed feelings. It links into a What They Play article from last year, which suggests Wii HD is a brand new console. That'd really piss me off. I've had a Wii from the very start... I'd prefer it if the Wii HD was some kind of add-on to the existing console... I don't see Nintendo killing off their golden goose though. According to the Gamespot article, there won't be any new consoles till around 2013. Works for me.

But the biggest annoyance for me was finally learning about what the iPhone 3GS was/is. I don't have an iPhone and I particularly wan one. I don't understand what tethering is. I do, however, have an iPod Touch, which is essentially an iPhone without a phone and a camera. And mobile internet. This latest development means something quite important. Because this new iPhone has a better processor (insert long string of numbers and letters as appropriate) it means it can handle better games, in terms of visuals and gameplay. I'm really tired of the iPod Touch playing second fiddle to the iPhone. Okay so it's not as good, I get that. But Apple need to give it some love. The new software is out on the 17th of June, and I'm probably gonna buy it. Don't know what it will do though. I'll check before hand to see if it's worth it.
If Apple released a new iPod Touch with, for example, a camera and a better processor I might buy it. My iPod Touch has had a pretty good run of it... Meh. I'll play it as it comes.

This is me signing off. I won't be doing a blog on Wednesday, because I have three exams this week, and I'd like to ace them, please. I'm not sure I'll manage one on Saturday either, since I'm at a wedding, but it's worth a try.

This has been the blog post that I've done the most research for. Good for me.

Peace out y'all.

Tin Men of the Apocalypse

Since we last spoke, I've done too much revision, watched the lame last episode of Ashes To Ashes, got a week ahead on The Mentalist, beaten Super Mario 64 DS with minimum everything in three days, completed MGST, missed the season finale of Smallville, flunked my psychology exam, considered buying Fallout 3, watched a lot of Fallout 3 videos....



And I've seen Terminator Salvation. Oh yes.



I really don't know how to feel about it. I really wanted to hate it, I really did, but it was kinda alright... Marcus Wright was a very good character. The first half of the film mainly centres around him, which is good. In fact, it would have been better if that's who the film was about. John Connor's plight is boring, and he spends the entire film yelling at people for not listening to him. On the other hand, Marcus Wright has actual character development. Oh and he's a robot. So you know, he's awesome. When I was watching it, so many moments reminded me of games. The whole look of it was very Fallout 3, with maybe a touch of Half Life 2. Actually there's a moment in the film which is very much like this part of Concerned, the excellent Half Life 2 comic by Chris Livingstone. If you've seen the film, you know what I'm talking about =)

Terminator Salvation isn't a bad film. It's not brilliant, and it's lacking something, but I'm not sure what. I think they are making a sequel and it might have Robert Patrick in it, which can really only be a brilliant thing.

Stay awesome, y'all

Quest Completed; Rolando

Warning, may contain spoilers.

Made available on the App Store towards the end of 2008, Rolando remains one of the best games on the platform. A physics-based platformer, the aim of game is to guide your "Rolandos" to the end-of-level gate, avoiding the numerous pitfalls and enemies along the way. The control scheme is simple yet incredibly effective. You select a Rolando by tapping it, then tilt the iPod left or right to move them in the desired direction. You can drag a box around more than one to move them as a group, and simply swipe upwards anywhere on the screen. If a Rolando is unselected, then it does not move when the iPod is tilted, meaning your work will not fall apart with one wrong tilt.

The story in Rolando may not be the most important aspect, but it works none the less. Rolando Central is under attack, and you, the Almighty Finger, must help the Rolandos back to the Sages to save them. Surprisingly, they've alreadt been kidnapped, so the Rolandos must enter Shadow Valley in an attempt to find them. It's not threatening Half Life 2's storytelling crown, but it's a nice addition.

There are four separate worlds in game, each containing nine levels, making a total of 36 individual levels. The first world is a good introduction to the game, introducing the different kinds of mission you can expect. The second world adds more puzzle elements, such as the use of bombs, lift and catapults. The third world sees you drawing paths to reach the end of the level, and the final world has you charging through enemy territory to defeat your foe. Each world has a distinct visual style, all of which are charming to look at, as well as being practical for game play.

Whilst ngmoco have included different kinds of Rolando, such as the King and Queen, who must be pushed around the level, or the Prince, who rolls in a given direction until bumping into something, you feel others could have been included to mix up game play. An example could be a Rolando that could survive in hazardous materials, like lava or acid. This lack of variety in Rolandos means that you'll find yourself doing a similar set of missions in each world. It's not noticeable enough to ruin the fun, but sometimes the "escorting the King" missions get slightly tedious.

Throughout Rolando, I had a great time playing the game. Each level presents a new challenge, and you really beginning to get attached to the different Rolandos. It might just be my weird attachment to game characters, but I hated letting any of the little guys get killed. Sometimes I would restart a level just so I could get them all through safely. But ultimately, Rolando let me down at the last fence. As I approached the final level, I couldn't help wondering how the game would wrap itself up. I couldn't see there being a conventional boss fight, since the game isn't focused on combat. But unfortunately, there was a sort of boss fight, with some simple platforming elements. It was a relatively easy level and felt like a slightly weak finish. It didn't ruin the game, but just made the ending seem a little less special.

Finally, Rolando has heaps of replay-ability. Each level has three medals, one for saving all Rolandos, one for beating the level within the time limit and one for getting all the hidden diamonds. These mean you will be coming back for more on each level, to see if you can beat the game fully. On top of this, ngmoco are releasing regular level updates until this summer, meaning you won't be short of a challenge for long.

If you have an iPod Touch, this is a must-have, whether you be a serious or casual gamer, and is a great cheap buy, especially considering the sequel is released this summer. Rolando may just turn out to be the iPod's killer franchise.

Rolando

Going through the Motions

E3. Every year we get together on the internet to watch the press conferences, and every year we are disappointed. Except we weren't this year! Well, except Nintendo.

As is the norm on the net, I'll whiz through each conference and what I thought of it.

Microsoft; Almost bloody missed this thanks to Gamespot's live feed... Which would have been lame. But Microsoft was good. Actually that's a lie, it was the best of all three. It had Beatles which the other two couldn't top. Both Tony Hawk and Modern Warfare don't particularly interest me, but Final Fantasy XIII did. Weird since I left that franchise after the problems I had with X-2. I think that's where FF lost it's way. Shadow Complex = yes. Joyride = meh. Left 4 Dead 2 shocked me, very fast sequel release. Splinter Cell looked good, but I wouldn't buy it. Forza 2 is a racing game, next. Halo ODST looks pretty generic, Reach interested be cause I read the book. Alan Wake = looks interesting. Facebook and Twitter on the 360 isn't really surprising. MGS Rising on the other hand is. Awesome. In my opinion, stuff like Project Natal is the future. I was honestly amazed by the menu scrolling crap. Milo is PROBABLY not that good, but it doesn't matter. Microsoft Conference = good.

Nintendo; Missed both the beginning and the middle of this, but I'm caught up now, and this had a rising scale of interest. New Super Mario Bros. Wii will be really popular, but also lame. Wii Fit Plus must have pissed off a lot of people. We saw Wii Sports Resort last year, altough I like the idea of the island becoming a constant thing. Crystal Bearers looks quite interesting, may investigate further. I'm sure that Bowser's Inside Story wasn't news. Explain what kind police force offers jobs to criminals, I said as COP appeared. User generated content rears its head on the DSi, as well as Facebook. Damn. Oh yay, Spirit Tracks, again. Iwata, in my opinion talks too much about too little. I'm copyrighting the idea for using the Vitality Sensor in some survival horror game. Also, it's a downright stupid idea. That's it Nintendo, I'm leavi- OMG SUPER MARIO GALAXY 2! But seriously, that's cool. Yoshi in 3D. The Conduit = meh. Darkside = weird camera. Dead Space = hmmm. I don't even like Metroid that much, but Other M looks sweet. Eat lazer beem, spaze dragon! Boring press conference, too many numbers, some interesting things.

Sony; First off, I hate the guy who presents this, Jack Something. He always seems really smug. But this wasn't a bad conference... Just it wasn't good either. The flashy intro sequence was TACKY as hell. Lots and lots of numbers. Hooray for stats. Uncharted 2 looked nice, and the sidekick was English, which made it go up in my ratings. The game then dropped when the idiot main character said "We could have been in that!" refering to a collapsing building. Idiot. MAG again, oh fantastic. Nobody cares! PSP things feels a little ironic when UMD has failed epically... But I still want one. SenseMe... So it's Genius then. If I had lots of money, I'd get a PSP Go... Grand Turismo PSP... Is a racing game... Which I have nothing to say about. Hideo Kojima making another MGS game, unsurprisingly... with millions of Snakes. Not for Indy then. RE; Portable... Great, another game I can't get. Lots of PSP games coming out. You know, there was two many montages. No-one else did montages. Last year Sony used LittleBigPlanet for a presentation, this year... MONTAGE! Agent appears... for three seconds. Assassin's Creed 2 looks pretty much exactly the same with more flying. I'm playin' dat. Final Fantasy XIII again, and suddenly, Final Fantasy XIV! Gasp! The guy unvailing the new EyeToy thing was as nervous as hell. Probably because he realised he was just combining the Wii with Project Natal. Modnation looked dull. I really hope The Last Guardian is some EPIC pet sim of your crow-dog. GT5 is visually spot on. GoW3, despite what the guy says, bears no resembelance to real Greek mythology. LONG press conference. Completely irrelevant for me.

Two words sum up the conferences; motion control. Apparently it's the future. SURPRISE.

Good night y'all.

HOLY THREE-HEADED MONKEY!

Okay, I didn't blog yesterday. Sue me.

But more importantly; new Monkey Island, and a rehaul = pure awesome. Bring on the press conferences!

Click here and then here. Woo!

Let's reschedule for Thursday. I'll yell at you about E3 then.