Wishing you a... hold on, stat check... Happy New Year!

It's been an RPG kinda Christmas for me this year. I'm not normally an RPG fan. Sure, I like my stats and upgrades in other games, but I've never been a massive roleplayer. If I have been at all, most of the RPGs I've played are western RPGs as opposed to Japanese turn-based affairs.

But this Christmas, I've gone all out and am playing RPGs than ever before, by complete accident. First I got Chrono Trigger on iOS. Then came along the beautiful surprise of Final Fantasy IX on my new (hah) PSP. Then Christmas happened and I got Skyrim. And I've just remembered that I'm in the middle of Dragon Age: Origins. SO MANY RPGS.

Chrono Trigger is still going strong. There's a section, about midway though the game where you fight several tough bosses in quick succession but, it never felt as though the game was ganging up on me. With out giving too much away, halfway through there's an amazing twist in the direction of the story and a whole new location is revealed. Needless to say, I'm having a great time. Even when this jerk showed up to repeatedly ruin my Chrono-Frog-Robo dream team;

This isn't even a major plot boss fight. He turns up,
you kill him, and that's it. No explanation or anything

The Most Wonderful Time of The Year

Oh and it's Christmas too? I was talking about coming home for the holidays and spending six hours a day on the Xbox. As a serious point though, I need to take more breaks, I'm starting to get quite bad headaches.

Okay, moving on from that downer of an opening, I'M BACK HOME FOR CHRISTMAS! I finished up all of my deadlines before the end of term, and now I have a month to catch up on my gaming backlog. First on the chopping block is Assassin's Creed Revelations.

Nothing is True, Everything is- HEY PRESENTS!

Pre-Christmas News Bonanza!

University deadlines being what they are, I haven't been able to finish up the blog post I had planned. It was going to be about RPGs and the such, but it just boiled down to me rubbing myself against Paper Mario and not an awful lot else. I'll just do a post about Paper Mario in the future, because I'm intending to finish the original over the Xmas break. I might even go the whole nine yards and buy "Thousand Year Door". Or maybe I won't. I love freedom of choice.

Retrospectively, I wish I hadn't used the phrase "rubbing myself against Paper Mario" That seems like a fast-track to horrific paper cuts. Anyway, no turning back now.

No real direction here, just a quick round up of things that have been happening recently before I knuckle down for the next few weeks.

BEST RPG EVER (MAYBE)

Blood Diamonds

Even if you've never heard of the Tetris effect, you've no doubt experienced its effects. Having the wall in front of you ever being moving upwards after a long Rock Band session. Feeling as though the world is shaking after playing too much Call of Duty. It's essentially when your mind starts playing tricks on you because of too much visual stimulation.

Recently, I've been falling asleep to the images of coloured rocks being rotated into place AND I DON'T LIKE IT ANY MORE MAKE IT STOP.

WHY WON'T THEY GO AWAY

Bejewelled isn't a franchise I've really ever played before, despite having had a go on plenty of clones in my time. If you are unaware of the game's premise, then you might need to stop reading this blog about video games, and first learn what a video game is.

A Novel Idea

I love books. I also love games. If only there was some way of uniting my two passions...

What a coincidence.

Game books aren't exactly brand new, but they have been enjoying quite the rise in popularity over the past few years. Mass Effect, Dragon Age, and Halo all have their own spin off novels. Assassin's Creed has a few lack-luster adaptations. Even Gears of War, a series not known for its deep storytelling, has several tie-in novels all written by the lead writer of the series (At least that's what thirty seconds worth of research on the Waterstones website tells me).

A Series of Tubers

In the interest of full disclosure, this blog post will be full of spoilers. No holding back. So if you haven't played Portal 2, you might want to go elsewhere.


It's difficult for me to say exactly what I didn't really enjoy about the original Portal. I once rather flippantly summed up my opinions with a simple "It's alright." but looking back on it now, I actually think it's the best description of my feelings towards it. Portal has a clever, original mechanic, and I enjoyed playing it, but I always felt it was too short. The game finished before I really got into it. I enjoyed GLaDOS as a character, but  I never found her as entertaining as everyone seemed to imply.


Perhaps it was down to the fact that by the time I got around to playing Portal the hype had died down. People had moved on from spouting "The cake is a lie" at every opportunity. Perhaps it was because I already knew about GLaDOS' true nature, so the final reveal was nothing special. But whatever it was, I left Portal feeling underwhelmed.

The Story Continues

Back at university now, and all moved in to my new house. Access to the computer is restored. Trying to keep this blog up to date to help focus my attention somewhat.

My last blog was essentially a love letter to the fine humans at SuperGiant Games, so it's safe to say I've been having withdrawal symptoms from Bastion. As per the norm, my XBox is not with me, so unless I decide to buy it on Steam (which I probably won't) I can't play it for a while. It's probably the first time I've really wanted to play a game through more than twice, and it's not even an achievement driven thing. I revel in the world that Bastion creates, so just being there and experiencing it is more enjoyable than some entire games I've played.

The Greatest Stories Ever Told

If you haven't played Bastion yet, you need to play Bastion

I thought I'd put that out there right now. It's not often I demand that people play a game, but with Bastion I genuinely think it could change the way people think about games.

Bastion is one of those games that you can tell has been made by people who really love what they are doing. My hat goes off to Supergiant Games for putting so much effort in every facet of Bastion's design. From the graphics to the music to the gameplay, there is genuinely no weak link in the chain. But what makes Bastion ever stronger is the way that all of these elements have been artfully woven together.

Wah Wah Wah

Sigh.

I can't remember when my last blog post was. I think it was when I finished my exams, talking about all the stuff I was going to write about.

As you may have noticed, I didn't.

Revenge of the E3

SO. I'm back. And I've forgiven you, so let's put it behind us and we can move on.

My exams are over, and they all went fairly well. Except one. And there was that one which was disturbingly easy. Perhaps that thing were I was so stupid, I came out the other side as intelligent. Or perhaps vice versa.

It was E3 last week, but as I mentioned I was busy learning about cells, so I couldn't post anything. But now, since I'm done, I'm going to quickly run through what I liked, and what I didn't.

Acronyms and Exams

It's all systems go right now for me. I've got my exams coming up across the first two weeks of June so I'm working about eight hours a day to try and cram an entire academic years worth of Biology into my tiny brain. So that's fun. How I live for those five minute breaks between hours.

In those five minute breaks, as well as my lunch breaks, I've been trying to fit as much gaming is as I can. I've missed my TF2 practice whilst I've been at home, and it feels good to be back. The Replay update IS a lot of fun, and I've captured and edited some fun replays. Unfortunately, I'm the only one whose ever going to be able to enjoy them since the game seems to crash every time I attempt to save a take as a movie. But trust me, they are all brilliant.

I'm always getting better and my class builds are far better now. I grabbed the intelligence a few times as the Scout, as well as bludgeoning a hapless Medic to death on the way. I still like playing the Medic, but it is literally the most annoying part of the game when a person I have been healing for their WHOLE LIFE, and they are STILL crying out for a medic. I'M HEALING YOU. THIS IS THE MAXIMUM ABOUT OF HEALING YOU I CAN BE. STOP ASKING.

All Hail The King Of Speculation

I've been making the most of the 360 since I've been home. I've done everything in AC: Brotherhood, bar the multiplayer achievements, and my wireless at home isn't good enough to play any matches properly, so I won't be getting them any time soon.

Instead I've been putting some time into Fable 3. I spoke about it last year giving my general impressions. There's nothing particularly wrong with it, it's just not a great deal different to its predecessors.

There's some interesting ideas in there though. The story is dark at times. The Fable series has often walked that line between "childish humour" and "balverines eating people" but when the final boss fight (oh right, MASSIVE SPOILER) forces you to kill your mentor, it's pretty heavy stuff. The final scene where he dies isn't going to make anyone cry, but it's pretty sad nonetheless.

The Prey Problem; How far is too far?

About a month ago, Human Head Studios announced the long awaited sequel to the 2006 hit, Prey. The reaction from the gamer public was something quite extraordinary.

Cards on the table, I've never played Prey. It was 2006, and I wasn't that into my PC gaming (or gaming overall) as much as I am now. I was away of it at release though, dismissing it as yet another FPS where you'd be trying to kill something for some contrived reasons.

Prey is not that simple though. It actually tells the tale of a Native American man who is abducted, along with his girlfriend and grandfather, into a semi-organic alien spaceship called The Sphere, and the fight back against the cybernetically enhanced alien races that maintain the invading ship.

The System Is Down; Why "PSNgate" could be bad for the whole industry

Something that really winds me up is when technology goes wrong and somebody will say they hate technology. People don't hate technology, they hate when it goes wrong. I get the feeling a lot of people will be hating technology right now.

The Playstation Network has been down for a week today. Yesterday the news came that the reason for this extended interlude in service was that Sony had been hacked, and the personal data, which potentially included credit card information, of around 70 million people was now in the hands of said hackers.

At this stage it's still undetermined who actually hacked the PSN. Many are laying the blame at Internet hacktivist group Anonymous' door. The group recently declared an attack on Sony, in response to Sony's during of George Hotz, who provided the key to unlocking the console for unlicensed software.

The 3DS; My Twelfth Impressions

Now I'm back in London, I've gained access to that most wondrous of new devices, the 3DS. The media gave it a relatively good response but I didn't hear any cries of "greatest gadget ever" from the journalist masses, so I was willing to wait. After having the thing for almost a month now, I've decided to compile my thoughts on the thing;

The Big Ten; My Favourite Games of All Time

It's a ritual every games writer must go through at some point; the traditional run down of his or her top ten favourite games.

After scribbling down a shortlist and then using an advanced method of moving bits of paper about on my desk, I decided on an order. I'm still not a hundred percent sure about the order of the bottom five, but the games that matter are all there. So let's begin;

10; Wario Land 3, GBC, 2000
Probably the least known game on the list, but one that has always stuck with me, WL3 is a 2D platformer in a similar vein to the other Wario games. The game features a linear upgrade system where Wario's powers develop over the course of the game. This allowed for an element of the game which probably is the main reason for it sticking in my top ten; after gaining new abilities, you would go back to older levels and unlock new routes through them, resulting in new levels unlocking. A night and day cycle that altered the enemies and layout of certain levels was a clever feature, as well as some fantastically ridiculous boss fights and an ingenious power up system that beautifully exploited Wario's invincibility. Wario Land 3 showed me that small cartridge games didn't have to be small in vision.

No Fooling. This is an Update

Seriously. There's no joke to be found here, just posting an update. I figure I can still keep this blog active if I do at least one post a month.

So the Minecraft post I've been working on is somewhat dead in the water. I know exactly what I want to say and I have some great images to go with it but unfortunately I don't have the motivation to get the damn thing written. So for the time being I'm sticking on hold. Minecraft isn't going anywhere. In fact I booted up the single player again the other day to try and find a wolf, but after running around for a while carrying a bone, I didn't find any.

Echo Bazaar has been making up most of my gaming in the past few weeks. I've really been enjoying the developing narrative and have been trying to role-play the character as much as possible. The new profile page (and you can find mine here) really encourages the development of a journal, and I've been trying to create a really character to portray. I recently built up my Casing quality so that I could rob from the Bazaar itself, which would have been incredibly risky if I'd have failed. Chronicling the plans I was laying down in the Journal really made the whole experience feel more visceral and  also exists as a nice record of my activities.

I've been catching up on my TF2 recently. I bought one of the hats for Japan, as it seemed like the right thing to do. It's a great thing when the gaming community can rack up three hundred thousand dollars over about six days. I think charity and games really go well together. Giving players virtual items in exchange for donations is really the way forward. People are far more inclined to donate when they get something out of it, and virtual items don't actually cost anything to produce, so everybody wins.
TF2 game-wise, I've been getting slightly better! Sure, I still die a lot, but I've been staying alive for longer. As a sniper, I've actually surprised myself by getting a few headshots. As an engineer, I've got far better at placement of sentry guns, and feel far more useful now that I actually build teleports. As a medic, I'm getting far better, although there is nothing as depressing as when you are paired with a Heavy and he turns into giblets in front of your eyes, despite being fully over healed.

Way back in late January, I pre-ordered a 3DS with the full intention of cancelling it a few weeks before launch. Unfortunately, I totally forgot to do that, and so whilst I was still deciding what to do about it, I got an email saying that my order had been dispatched, so that decision was very nicely removed from my hands, along with two hundred pounds from my bank account. The 3DS actually arrived a day early, but for some reason still unbeknownst to me, it was delivered to my home address, as opposed to my student digs. Overall, I'm not that upset about the entire thing. There's nothing on the handheld I'm particularly clamouring for, and until either Link's Awakening or Ocarina of Time come out, I think I can manage without.

Finally, Tom of Newb Review fame very kindly posted me a copy of Left 4 Dead 2 that he picked up cheap from EA Headquarters recently, which I am incredibly appreciative of. Expect a post about that soon.

But not next time. Oh no, next post is my one hundredth blog post, and I'm celebrating by creating my definitive Top 10 Games of All Time. It's gonna be a big one.

See y'all next time.

To Boldly MMO; A Captain's Log from Star Trek Online

I am a geek. I accept this. I'm into comic books, video games and I spend a lot of time on the internet. I'm well and truly at peace with my geekitude.

However, one element of geekdom has always eluded me; Star Trek. It's not like I have a particular problem with the series. If I catch an episode running on Virgin, I'll sit down and watch it. The real problem I have getting into the show is the assumed knowledge. I always get stranded in a mire of Romulan-Vulcan tensions and deflector arrays. Star Trek is something of an undiscovered country to me.

However, thanks to Troy, who co-hosts one of my favourite podcasts World 1 Stage 1, I was able to get hold of a trial copy of the game.It's been quite a while since I've played any MMO. The days of Ren'jan the Troll Hunter are far behind me and I can't really remember much of Champions Online. So it was with something of a nervousness that I clicked "Engage" after the eight hour install (I wish I was joking.)

STO uses its source material to great effect; the game is structured into episodes, with appropriate titles appearing as you warp into the system. The game opens, as seems to be the norm in MMOs today, in the middle of a heated battle between a Federation vessel and the Borg. After dropping in as my character, a Vulcan Science Officer, I headed towards the bridge as directed. The controls in STO feel odd to say the least. It uses the normal WASD set up, but A and D strafe the character, with the right mouse button controlling the camera. It took a little getting used to, but after a few minutes I got the hang of it.

After receiving a quick mission debriefing (read; quest) I beamed over to the ship that needed rescuing, and started attacking the invading Borg. Combat is the standard MMORPG interface that everyone has been using since WoW. First I selected an enemy, then I pressed the 2 key, then 1, then 1 again, then 3 when he got too close. The bonus damage provided by flanking an enemy was a nice touch, but unfortunately STO's ground combat is another case of number poking.

After killing a designated number of the Borg, I beamed back to the ship, which for some reason I must have skipped now fell under my command. Suddenly, I was at the helm of a starship. This was the big time.

Space combat in STO plays out in a very similar way to ground combat, with each number button assigned to a weapon, and the WASD keys controlling movement. However, it is far more intense and exciting than face to face combat. Perhaps it's moving to full impulse to come sweeping past for a flanking attack. Perhaps it's boosting power to the aft shields whilst you swing around for another run. Perhaps it's weakening your opponents shields enough to launch a crippling proton torpedo attack. But whatever it is, the space combat is genuinely some of the most exciting action I've seen in any MMO to date.

After a few more ground missions and another dramatic space battle with pirates, I was returned to Starfleet, and informed my demo time was over, or rather that I had exhausted the two quests that the demo allowed. After putting on some new armour that made me look like a TRON character and running around Starfleet for a while, I decide to log off.

Star Treak Online is a relatively stable MMO. The ship combat is fantastic, blurring the lines between RPG and real time strategy, but unfortunately, the ground combat doesn't offer anything new to the table. At least Cryptic know their audience; so many of elements of the game are fan service. The sound of the phasers. The klaxon as you engage in space combat. The melee move being a paralysing palm strike. Opening a hailing frequency. The whole game smacks of fan service, but in this case, it's the best thing they could have done.

See y'all next time.

Dr Medic or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Multiplayer Gaming

If you are a follower of me on Twitter, you'll have probably noticed something of a theme in my recent tweets; Team Fortress 2. I've recently started playing. Probably an unhealthy amount.

I'm not normally a huge multiplayer fan, in that up until very recently, my Xbox Live account remained staunchly Silver. This changed when I started playing Assassin's Creed Brotherhood. I had read many a review stating that the multiplayer was "pretty good". This didn't really ever affect me, multiplayer was always something for "other people" to play, gaming snob that I am.

After completing the majority of the single player of AC:B, I decided to use a free trial of Gold I had thanks to a flier that came with Fable 2. I was nervous as I went into my first game. My hands were shaking as the Abstergo logo shifted about, connect me to a server. I selected the Harlequin. And I started playing.

Everything about AC:B multiplayer appeals to me. It's not a test of lightening fast agility or well developed twitch skills, but rather a battle of wits. Who can be the best assassin? Who can blend into a crowd, disappear in the blink of an eye, vanish using the environment? The upgrade system attached to the multiplayer adds a level of customisation that keeps the gameplay varied but balanced.

AC:B is my kind of mutliplayer. Players who try the run straight at their target are swiftly put in their place as they target the wrong model or get dispatched by a hidden opponent. Skilled players will walk alongside you, lull you into a sense of security then pounce as you target your folly. The untraditional multiplayer is a place where I can not only enjoy myself, but actually shine.

Team Fortress 2 on the other hand is much more traditional online mutliplayer. If you haven't heard of it, you've clearly been under a rock for the past four years, or perhaps just really dislike the FPS genre. Here's a thing; Team Fortress 2 was released in 2007. In all that time, all the content updates have been entirely free. In fact, until recently, all of the in-game items could be obtained just by playing the game.

It's tough for me to decide on my opinion of TF2. I can't decide whther it's the best multiplayer game ever, or just the best game ever. Valve have covered everything. The classes are balanced. The maps are not only balanced, but also constantly increasing. Yesterday, I had a sniper duel across a crowded canyon. A few days ago, I created a teleporter way point for my team and kept them healed whilst we were pinned down in a tunnel. The number of stories that game produces is phenomenal.

If you'd like to play a game with me, you can send me a message on Steam. I'm lavalampbamboo, and I'm probably playing as The Medic or The Engineer.

Nightmares and Narrative; A Hastily Scrawled Note From Echo Bazaar

The world of free social MMOGs isn't exactly small. There are the big ones, the multi-million dollar ones, like Farmville. And then there are your smaller social experiences, like Echo Bazaar. Made by London based developer FailBetter Games, Echo Bazaar is one of the few online games to use Twitter as its platform.

For a set-up, it's quite a concept. London is the fifth in a line of cities that has been stolen, dragged below the very surface of the Earth by bats to play host to a mysterious marketplace, the eponymous Echo Bazaar. You take the role of a newcomer to the city, but, as is so often the case in these scenarios, you start off in jail. After escaping you are given free reign over your story.

Echo Bazaar is, at it's heart, a choose-your-own-adventure book. You read the storylet set-up, and then choose your option. A basic stat-check takes place, and you either succeed or fail. It is this simple design that makes EB such a success. The enjoyment found in the game is in the narrative, not the gameplay. Whilst other social games force you to find rewards in selling your watermelon harvest, EB rewards you with a beautifully scripted story, and a development to your character.

The dark humour of the storylets is wonderful, and the world sculpted magnificently. One of the things that I enjoyed is how you are dropped into the world, with no explanation of it. For a time you fumble somewhat blindly with the strange vocabulary dropped into conversation, but slowly you come to recognise these words as the norm, and the city truly feels like your home. This simply technique immerses you in the world so effectively, and yet so subtly.

The character development in EB is also to be noted. You have four primary stats; Dangerous, Watchful, Persuasive and Shadowy, and these all develop as you succeed or fail in the appropriate stat checks. However, it is the Qualities which define who you are. These stats are hidden away in your character sheet, but they allow you a greater understanding of the path you have taken. Some chart your connections with the various factions of the city. Others mark your exploits and the choices you made. Your Quirks label you with qualities you might not desire, but are stuck with due to your choices and failures (or in some cases, successes). It is this almost natural character building that makes EB stand out for me; as opposed to crafting who you wish to be, you are truly defined by your actions.

I cannot claim EB to be perfect. There is somewhat of an element of grinding to be seen when your stats are too low to unlock newer challenges, although it is difficult to avoid this. FailBetter are also constantly added new content, so combined with the four novels worth of content already freely available, grinding will become bearable, if not enjoyable.

Most interestingly, as I finish writing this post, FailBetterGames have announced the launch of a new subscription system, on top of the already present Fate system. The Fate system allows you to purchase more storylets, almost like DLC. The new subscription raises the number of actions per day raised from 70 to 100, which seems fair enough. Non-subscribers, on the other hand, are having their actions reduced to 50. I don't feel this is unfair. The subscription is about £4 a month, and I've already gotten hours of free entertainment from the game. I personally would consider subscribing, but it should be interesting to see how the market reacts to it.

Echo Bazaar is quite a unique game. It's social but not to the point of annoyance. It has deep, involving storylines, and a dark, dry sense of humour. It's also free for the most part. Immersive games are often thought of to have to be visually arresting as well as well structured; EB only needs the one. I have never been drawn into a world so much that I willing drove my character insane in order to progess a storyline.

Assassins Of Future Past

Ubisoft have been very clever with the design of the Assassin's Creed franchise. Not only is the Animus one of the most original framing devices used as a novel game interface, it also allows a great deal of choice in selecting the setting for any future games. It's a hot topic on forums across the internet as to the time period and location of AC3, so today I'm going to have a look at the top suggestions as to where the game might go next, and comment on their likelihood.

Feudal Japan; This one has been going about for a couple of years now, and I don't see why it couldn't work. I think a lot of people would like to see an Assassin running about with a katana, and the architecture in Japan does lend itself to free-running. However, it would be quite a challenge to try and work the Templars into this setting, so unless Ubisoft create a new enemy, it seems unlikely we'll be assassinating samurai any time soon.

World War 1/2; Probably the setting that has been asked about the most, I don't think that we'll be seeing either world wars as the background for AC3. For one, the wars have been done so many times in gaming that many gamers are simply bored of them. Another reason is that the addition of automatic weaponry to the series would make gameplay far harder. It's one thing to dodge a bullet fired from a matchlock rifle but to dodge a spray of lead from a machine gun is somewhat stretching belief. Finally, the designers have gone on record saying that it is not a setting they are particularly interested in covering, so I think that it is safe to say we won't be travelling to war-torn Europe in AC3.

The French Revolution; This one has the most force behind it right now, mainly because of the teaser at the end of AC3 mention two symbols appearing only in the time of French Revolution. On the face of it, I can understand why this could be a likely option. Like the games before it, it features a period heavy in conflict, guns aren't so advanced as to make free-running deadly and the Templars could very easily be behind the revolution (or maybe even the Assassins). The only thing that makes me doubt the use of 19th century France is that technology would not have moved on that much from the 16th century. Writing this down, I know it sounds ridiculous, but in an AC game setting, I am at a loss to think of what changes could be made mechanically if it were set in the 19th century.

The Modern (Future) Day; Ever since the not particularly exciting Desmond sections in AC1 and the marginally more exciting bits in AC2 and ACB, the fans have all been asking (and to an extent almost expecting) a Desmond game. Given the way the game are moving, with the constant training of Desmond, it would make logical sense to have the last game in the trilogy (of four) to have him being the ultimate assassin he is destined to be. But again the flaw lies in the gun element; once Abstergo starts rolling out the automatic rifles and shotguns, no amount of eagle vision is going to help. It would be nice to see some more action sequences with Desmond, but I don't think it's realistic, gameplay-wise, to have an entire game of him.

Mayan/Aztec; A while ago now, a news story came out about how AC2 was going to be set in Aztec or Mayan times. Obviously, this never came to pass, but it does seem to make sense as a location. Given the series focus on the 2012 apocalypse, one of the Mesoamerican cultures that originated this idea would make sense. The city of Tenochtitlan would make an ideal location for free running, and would provide a unique setting for any game. The crystal skulls could be interpreted as Pieces of Eden. The time period would also not block the Templars involvement either, as they could arrive in the form of the Conquistadors (although I am aware this has briefly been touched upon in Project Legacy)

So there we are. Of course, it could easily be another time period entirely, and I'm not even mentioning the end of Brotherhood, and my theory that the whole game series is going to turn out to have been experience through Desmond's descendants. But until Ubisoft reveals AC3, I guess we will be left in the proverbial dark.

See y'all next time.

Back In The Nick of Time

Yes. I'm back, just in time to do at least one post in January. And there is no way you can prove I'm writing this in February.

So I'm back, as promised, and although I don't have any stimulating content just yet, I do have something just as exciting.

Say hello to Mycroft;

Yes, I named my new computer Mycroft, deal with it.

Of course the real computer is out of shot, sitting under my desk. It's a Dell Inspiron 580, with a 3.2Ghz i3 processor and 4GB of RAM. It's also black.

As you might be able to make out in the picture, I've been downloading a lot of my unplayed Steam library. Torchlight I've admittedly played before, but it's nice to be able to run the thing without it running at 1 FPS. Tales of Monkey Island works far better than it ever did on the Toaster (Requiescat in pace, Toaster).

I also spent some time downloading TF2, and when I say spent some time, I mean about four hours. The bandwidth in the flat is all over the place. It runs okay, and whilst the graphics aren't perfect, it's still a better experience than playing it on the XBox.

As we speak I am downloading S.T.A.L.K.E.R Call Of Pripyat which I'm quite looking forward to, ever since I read an article detailing the Emission events. I'm not sure how well I'll be able to run it but I'm hopeful. I'm sure it will be able to cope.

So there we are. A new year and a new computer. Also a new phone but that's not really relevant at this juncture. Stay tuned for compelling updates. Next time; the future of the Assassin's Creed franchise.